Dear, Abby...

dear abbey dear abbey
i dont know what to say
my team is terrible and just cant play
we’d like to soar like a falcon not like a duck
but are players and coaches all seem to suck
signed atlanta fan

altanta fan atlanta fan
try not to cry
your team is bad they dont seem to try
your offense is lost they dont have a clue
your defense plays like they have the swine flu

dear abbey dear abbey
let me complain
when i watch my team it gives me a pain
they cant run the ball and they cant throw a pass
they play the first quarter then run out of gas
the thought they were good but they’re really just crap
if i watch the saints game i’ll probably just snap
signed falcon owner

falcon owner falcon owner
stay behind a fence
your offence is bad but so is your defence
your special team tries without a chance
thats why the thought of the saints makes you pee your pants

Good job Tigernut!

that listen to John Prine.

Way cool post.

Dear Abby, dear Abby
So, what’s the big deal?
A queer is a queer and that’s just how I feel
I said I was sorry, what more can I do?
I’m just mad ’cause my team plays like dooky-poo
Signed, Chief Larry

Chief Larry, Chief Larry
It’s not what you said
Ok, I am lying, it is what you said
Your apology’s hollow, you need to do more
Now, let this nice officer show you the door.

whatever.

Every one of these really made me laugh out loud. This stuff is great! You guys are really talented.

dear abby, dear abby
I told you I’d phone,
my team played the saints, all on their own
They got passed on and rushed, like will’i-iam hung.
I spit and I spat as bite off my tongue.
Signed, disbeliever

Disbeliever, disbeliever
I’m sorry you came,
but to tell you the truth, we are destined for fame,
see saw you spit, we know that you spat
but by the end of this year you’ll be sayin “Who Dat!?”

Dear Abby, dear Abby
I am now on cloud nine
As I write you this letter
In the style of John Prine
This Monday night
In the Dome a la Super
The Birds will be taking
it straight up the pooper
Signed, Flora D. Lee

Dear Flora, dear Flora
Your letter confused
A bird up the pooper?
I’m hardly amused
Don’t mail me again
Til you need my advice
I’ve asked once before
This warning makes twice
Signed, Agitated Abby

Dear Abby, Dear Abby
We’re ready to shine,
Time after time we’ve finished behind.
In 2006 we got such a teasin’,
“Wait til next year”, Next year is THIS season.
Throw it to Colston, Meachum or Moore,
Show em a post an’ we’ll teach em’ to score.
We run it with Thomas, we run it with Bell,
Bush, Evans, and Shockey, we’ve done it so well.
We hosted Detroit and won it with ease,
6 scores for Brees, 6 Saints with T.D.‘s.
Up north for the Eagles, 2-0 we’ve started,
Plucked the Birds IN PHILLY, I think the league just “sharted”!
What happened in Buffalo we didn’t expect,
We won it with defense, Bring em’ on, who’s next.
Some guy named Rex is bringing the Jets?
We past that test without playing our best.
Anyone else in New York? We put the Giant to sleep,
By my calculations, that’s a New York sweep.
A 5-0 beast when they walked through our door,
and WE have a feast while 8 Saints score.
Back on the ROAD this time it’s the Phins,
Down 21 points we STILL add to our wins.
I found our next vacation, though we’ve already been,
I’m thinking Miami in February, 2010?
Signed, Who Dat Family, CSC

Abby’s reply at a later date.

I don’t know if I went with the beat because I don’t know the song! LOL

Show us what you got fans! I’ll choose the best lyric and send the winner a prize. No kidding. And it dont have to be pro-Saints and if it’s anti-Saints, I won’t hold that against ya. Just make me laugh!

And it’s a really cool prize, too.

LOCK!

Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey
I just want to say
I luv to play football every sunday
My team is so awesome
They really kick ass
We’ll roll through our schedule
Like its made of glass
This sunday we play inside of the dome
The falcons will limp all the way home
signed Drew Brees

Drew Brees,Drew Brees
I really like you
This seems so formal
Let me just call you Drew
I would like to address
the way your team plays
It’s awesome it’s great
I could watch it for days
I like your reivers
Your running backs too
But they would all be lost
If it wasnt for Drew

Dear Abby, Dear Abby
Am I a bust?
I run backwards and forwards as I must.
I can’t find the hole, it must be outside,
I’ll run to the edge, maybe I can hide.
Signed Saint 25

Saint 25, Saint 25
Don’t sweat it my friend,
it’ll all work out when we reach the end.
We’ll be playing for keeps when we reach our goal.
The 2009 Saints in the SUPER BOWL!

For whatever reason, this thread wasn’t showing up for me earlier this afternoon. I posted a Dear Abby letter here instead.

Dear Abby, Dear Abby,
Please read our problems below…
1. forty million for a scoreboard that hangs too low
2. a quarterback named tony that plays like a homo
3. we got rid of a whiner named T.O.
4. now all we have is austin, the rest of the receivers blow
5. i spend all my money, i have billions you know
6. but our last playoff win was a decade ago
jerry jones

Jerry Jones, Jerry Jones,
heres what you must do
bring back staubach, dorsett, and irvin too
give them some geritol and dress them in silver and blue
when dorsett goes 90 yards, in his Hoveround Scooter
maybe then you wont feel like a free agent looter

Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey
I feel so sad
Our cheerleaders are ugly
And our team is so bad
We had a good team
And we got a little lucky
But for some reason we dont know
They fired old chuckie
Now we watch every week
Just hoping to win
But then we play the game
And we lose again
signed tampa bay

Tampa Bay,Tampa
Whats that you say
Your team is a mess,And i couldnt care less
As i think of your coach,I sit here unfazed
If i had the choice ,He would be tazed
So go cry to the owner,Of this awful team
But he doesn’t care,Or so it would seem
It could be worst,So you are told
At least this weeks opponents,Aren’t wearing black and gold

Dear Abby, Dear Abby,
I’m a Cajun in Carolina
And I feel so alone.
Oh how I long
for my horses and home.

Dear Jake, Dear Jake
The Charlotte sport shows are
being so cruel.
Don’t those guys play
by the Golden Rule?
Going on and on
about your interceptions is cold.
I just hope to see five more
against the Black and Gold.

Dear Abby, dear Abby
I don’t understand
Just why SBNation’s site did have me banned
I sure didn’t think I did anything wrong
We were just having fun with an old John Prine song
Si-iiiigned, Head Scratcher

Head Scratcher, Head Scratcher
Everything is now fine
Just don’t make too many posts at the same time
They don’t like the spammers and scammers and trolls
’Cause everyone knows that those guys have no souls

Dear Abby, Dear Abby
We want to go home.
We started in LA now we play in a dome.
We were once called “The Greatest Show on the Turf”
Now we just want to go, and play by the surf.
Signed, Miss L. A.

Miss L. A., Miss L. A.
Should stay where you are.
The fans in LA, they stay stuck in their cars.
There are too many teams that call that place home.
As matter of fact, no one’s noticed you’ve gone.

Yours, Dear Abby