Joke of the Week
by Tigernut on Dec 9, 2009 4:43 AM CST
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When I was younger, I worked for several years as a bartender. Man, I heard so many jokes I wish I could remember them all. Now, this might not seem to have much to do with football, but it really does. You see, when you're team is doing great like the Saints, there just isn't that much to talk or complain about at the sportsbar or around the tailgate party. Everybody's feeling good already with beers in their hands and big smiles on their faces, so it's good to have a joke or two to maintain the brevity and keep the party from devovling into a bunch of beer drinking zombies with stupid grins. With that in mind, here's one of my all-time favorites.
The teacher said one day, "Class, let's all take turns telling what kind of work or jobs our fathers do. Who wants to go first?" Hands went up. "Okay, Mary, tell us what job your father has."
"My daddy's a doctor.", said Mary proudly. "He helps people when they're sick."
"That's very good." said the teacher. Hands raised again. "Okay, Bobby, you're next."
"My dad works construction." Bobby stated with pride. "He builds houses for people to live in."
And so it went until all the kids had spoken, but the teacher noticed that LIttle Johnny had never raised his hand.
"Little Johnny, don't you want to tell us what your father does for a living?"
"My daddy's dead." said Little Johnny.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." the teacher replied with genuine sympathy. "Well, can you tell us what your father did before he died?"
"He turned blue and crapped his pants."
Now, just so I can gauge the response to this joke and keep you, dear reader, from having to post a lengthy scolding for (insert reason), I offer the following poll:
This FanPost was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.
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The wine bottle
A priest got in a bad car accident but got out of the car un hurt he looked around and seen the other un hurt
He walked up to the other driver and told him “son this is a miracle we got in this bad accident and no one is hurt both our cars are totaled god must have hsaved us for some reason”
The other driver looks around and tells the priest he must be correct
Then the priest walks to his car and looks in it and finds a bottle of wine that should be broken but is laying there unscathed
He turns to the other driver and says"Son this is a miracle both our cars are totaled yet this bottle of wine is not broken i believe god left it unscathed so we can toast to the miracle of being ok" So the priest opens the bottle and gives the other driver a drink and tells him to toast to a great new friendship with a yet unknown purpose
The driver tells the priest I believe you are correct god has a larger purpose for us and gives a toast and takes a large drink
He then hands the bottle of wine to the priest and says ok father your turn
The priest takes the bottle turns to the other driver and says"I think i’ll just wait for the police"
by simone219 on Dec 9, 2009 5:28 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
LOL!!!!
The only thing worse than losing is not winning.
by Tigernut on Dec 9, 2009 1:25 PM CST up reply actions
that was funny
"All kind of knowledge, eventually becomes self knowledge" - Bruce Lee
by SBookerSaintsFan on Dec 9, 2009 2:01 PM CST up reply actions
Home of the Saints
A man was on the west coast and he really wanted to talk to god, so he went to a church and talked to the priest. The priest told him to call this number. Well, when he did, the operator told him to deposit $10 for the call and he talked to god. He was so amazed that he ran around the country calling god…until he got to New Orleans. When he made the call in New Orleans, he was only asked for a dime???!?! When he asked why, he was told it was a local call.
WHODAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take that!!!!!!!!!!!
by nofear on Dec 9, 2009 7:46 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
A bartender is tending to customers one night in his bar, when a drunk fellow leans towards him and mutters “ya see that beer mug over there?”
The bartender turns and notices the mug at the opposite end of the bar, some 40 feet away.
“Yeah, what about it?” asks the bartender.
“I’ll bet you $50 that I can stand right here and urinate in that mug … without moving it … and without spilling a single drop” stammers the drunk.
“You’re not gonna move the mug?” asks the bartender.
“Nope” says the drunk.
“And you’re gonna do it from right where you are?” asks the bartender.
“Right here” replies the drunk.
“Ok, you’re on” says the bartender.
The drunk slaps a $50 bill on the bar, drops his pants and proceeds to urinate all over himself, the floor, the bar, the bartender, the bottles of liquor behind the counter, practically everywhere EXCEPT in the mug.
The bartender starts laughing hysterically, snatches the wet $50 off of the counter and hollers “All right already! Get the hell out of my bar, ya freak show!”
The guy zips up his trousers and heads out the door. Just then, another guy at the opposite end of the bar screams “Dammit!”
“What’s the matter?” asks the bartender.
“You see that guy … the one that just walked out?” asks the man.
“Yeah, what about him?” asks the bartender.
“He just bet me $100 that he could take a wiz on you and you’d be happy about it.”
"I was not on the boat in question." -Darren Sharper
ROFLMAO!!! Can't wait to try that.
The only thing worse than losing is not winning.
by Tigernut on Dec 9, 2009 1:28 PM CST up reply actions
Good one!
"All kind of knowledge, eventually becomes self knowledge" - Bruce Lee
by SBookerSaintsFan on Dec 9, 2009 2:03 PM CST up reply actions
Funny, but was there a dwarf involved?(old joke)
You think you know, and you don't know, and you never, ever will.-Jim Mora Sr.
What do a hundred battered women have in common????????
THEY DON’T LISTEN…….
Boo!!!
… but funny!
The only thing worse than losing is not winning.
by Tigernut on Dec 9, 2009 4:35 PM CST up reply actions
Battered women?!?!
Aw man, I’ve been eating mine plain for the last 25 years. :(
"I was not on the boat in question." -Darren Sharper
Another joke
A guy goes in to a bar and tells the bartender, “Barkeep, set me up with 12 shots of the strongest stuff you got.”
The bartender says “Whoa! you must be having a bad day!” and starts pouring the shots. When he gets them all poured the guy starts slamming them down, as fast as he can. The bartender goes " Hey buddy! Slow it down, it can’t be that bad"
The guy says “If you had what I had you’d be drinking them this fast too!” This goes on and on until the guys slams down the last one. The bartender says “Well now that you’re done, do you mind me asking what you got?”
“Fifty-cents” the guys replies…..
by Comp on Dec 10, 2009 2:48 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Aw, heck, seems like another rather slow week
So, here’s another. Still trying to stay on the “Saints” theme.:
Pope lands in NOLA for part of his U.S. tour, next stop San Antonio. Plane breaks, so he decides to take a limo. As they are about to take off, he asks the chauffeur if he could drive as he had never driven a limo before.
So, they are tooling down I-10 on their way to San Antone at about 90 mph when a policeman from Breaux Bridge stops them. He walks up to the car, the Pope rolls down the window, the policeman sees who’s driving, pauses for a second and, then, says he’ll be right back and don’t go anywhere.
So, the policeman walks back to his car and gets on the horn to his boss and says, “Chief, I’ve got a problem. I’ve just stopped somebody really important.”
“More important than the Chief of Police of Breaux Bridge?!?!?”
“Oh yeah!”
More important than Governor Edwin Edwards?!?!?"
“Oh, yeah!”
Well, who is it?"
“Well, I’m not sure but,… he’s got the Pope driving for him!”
WHODAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take that!!!!!!!!!!!
Boudreaux & Thibodaeux
fishing when Boo asks Thib, say if I was to go to yer house when you not der and fool around wit yo old lady, would that makes us related? Thib says, I don’t if it would makes us related Boo, but it’d sho make us even…
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading". Henny Youngman
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