Canal Street Chronicles: An SB Nation Community

Navigation: Jump to content areas:


Sports blogs for fans, by fans.
New Blog: Sounder At Heart for Seattle Sounders Fans!

Mocking the Draftniks

Ye gods and little fishes, they're at it again.

Every year this happens, and it's always the same. Every sports site on the web jumps into the pool, and most of them pee. You can see yellow clouds spreading from wall to wall until they merge into a single, lemon-colored, contaminated cesspit of bad premises, faulty logic and hallucination. It's mock draft time.

Star-divide

Since Mel Kiper's hair burst onto the scene in 1984, the NFL draft has been An Event. We owe that much to Mel, for good and bad. Good, because it's so inherently fascinating--it's like a second Super Bowl, a chance for even the lowliest of teams to get it right. Bad, because...well, there's Mel Kiper. And all the other know-it-alls who make a living telling real professionals what they should do and why. In other words: they're acting just like fans, but they get paid!

There's only one thing to do about it: gotta jump in the pool.

But instead of making our own mock draft--and here I'm going on record stating that I have no idea what other teams are going to do, or should do, with one exception--we're going to rate the mockers. Which ones can be trusted? Which ones have the emptiest bladders? (My own personal favorite--for now--is Matt McGuire of WalterFootball.com. We'll see how he stacks up against his better-known, and better-paid, competition.)

Here's how it works: I've chosen thirteen experts, arbitrarily designated "major," and analyzed their drafts according to three criteria. First, do they at least understand that the Saints need to draft defense? If a "major expert" can't even give us a defensive player, you know he must be having a seizure. Second, what particular player do they have the Saints choosing, and why? For now, the correct answer is Malcolm Jenkins, because we need a frickin' free safety, all right? And finally, how high do they have obese 2-year-old Alabama offensive tackle Andre Smith going? (For those of you not familiar with Smith's situation, he's the guy who left the Combine without working out, and showed up for his pro day overweight and jiggling. His 40 time was about one week. His stock has been dropping so fast Congress will probably bail him out, but most mockers are still nattering about his "upside." The only upside relevant to Andre Smith is the 2x4 that needs to be applied upside his head to kno ck some sense into him.) All the mock drafts were selected from those published by Thursday, March 12.

Contestants are ranked according to the first criterion; then the order juggled around a bit depending on how they did with the second; and finally, fine-tuned according to the Andre Smith rule. Rankings are from bottom to top, worst to best. The absolute worst, stupidest, most fatuous, addlepated, crazed, and thoroughly inexplicable expert opinion was voiced by none other than...

13

MEL KIPER (ESPN)
Knowshon Moreno, Georgia

"There isn't anything remotely close to the talent and depth at running back available in the draft last year, but Moreno is a good fit for the Saints at this spot."

 

A good fit!? The Saints have the best offense in the league; they need help in the defensive backfield. And Kiper still has Malcolm Jenkins on the board at this point! This is a perfect example of someone trying too hard to be cute, to distance himself from the competition by making a bold, daring pick that is, in fact, nothing but wacky. Mel has been smoking Saintsational's toenails again.

Will Moreno be an elite back in the NFL? Yeah, probably. Will the Saints be an elite team if they keep stocking up on offensive skill positions at the expense of their defense? Nope. And that's what Mel Kiper has never understood. The draft is all about improving your team, not picking up bargains. This isn't the Home Shopping Network. I think hair gel must be toxic.

I usually only like Kiper when he kicks ass on Todd McShay; but this time McShay puts a powerbomb on him.

Kiper has Smith going 13th, to the Redskins, and Jenkins going 16th, to the Chargers.

 

 

12

RANDALL WEIDA (FFToolbox.com)
Chris Wells, Ohio State

"New Orleans has done a nice job of strengthening their defense during the off season, and may not need as much help on that side of the ball as some people think. Adding Chris Wells would give them a power back to compliment Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush. This would allow Bush to see more action as a return man and a slot receiver, while Thomas and Wells carry the rushing load."

 

Weida tries hard, but he's ill-informed. The Saints added a cornerback, and lucked out with a linebacker coming back from retirement. (They also had successful surgery on their bullocks.) Other than that, next year's defense is unchanged from last year's—with the free safety situation still very much up in the air.

But at least Weida actually considers the type of running back Payton might be tempted to take. Wells is much more of an inside power runner than Moreno. I'm not su re he'll be as good as Moreno, but he better fits the Saints. Still, this ain't happening.

And besides, he repeats that Reggie-Bush-as-slot-receiver canard.

(By the way...FFToolbox actually has six mockers, but none of the others had updated their drafts. At this time of year, a mock draft that's a week out of date might as well considered paleolithic.)

Weida has Smith going 8th, to the Jaguars, and Jenkins going 10th, to the 49ers

 

 

11

STEVE SILVERMAN (MSNBC)
Eugene Monroe, Virginia

"It’s hard to pass up a great offensive tackle. The Saints won't be able to when they see Monroe is still available. When you have a quarterback like Drew Brees you must get the best protection possible."

 

Well, at least it's a tackle, and a left tackle at that. But it's still an offensive player. And Jenkins is still available on Silverman's board (in fact, he goes next, to the Texans).

Also: Silverman has Monroe coming out of Alabama. No, that would be that other tackle.

Silverman has Smith going 6th, to the Bengals.

 

 

10

ROBERT DAVIS (Football's Future)
Vontae Davis, Illinois

"Despite the signing of Jabari Greer, CB is still a need for the Saints. They continue to sign marginal to decent free agents, and every year they are left disappointed. Davis has the potential to be a shut down corner, and that is something the Saints cannot pass on."

 

Finally, we're in defensive territory! And it's a defensive back, too! It's just the wrong one.

Davis may turn out to be fine in the NFL, but he's not for the Saints...unless Gregg Williams can light a fire under him and cure his attitude problem. Then he might be awesome.

Davis has Smith going 6th, to the Bengals, and Jenkins going 5th, to the Browns.

 

 

9

DON BANKS (Sports Illustrated)
Vontae Davis, Illinois

"The Jabari Greer signing in free agency gave the Saints another cornerback, but Davis adds options in the secondary because he can also play free safety, which was a glaring weakness in 2008. New Orleans won't get appreciably better on defense until it stems the flow of long balls allowed on pass defense."

 

Well, I suppose Banks had to give us Davis, since he sent Jenkins to the Packers; but isn't he getting a little confused with the free safety reference? Vontae Davis is a cornerback, and nobody that I know of has suggested he be turned into a safety in the NFL. That would be Jenkins. Maybe he meant to send Davis to the Packers. That must be it.

Banks has Smith going 13th, to the Redskins, and Jenkins going 9th, to the Packers.

 

 

8

PETE PRISCO (CBS Sports)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Jenkins is being projected as both a safety and a corner. The Saints could use some help at both."

 

And now, at last, we've reached what would seem to be, for the present, the Saints' best pick. Prisco doesn't seem to have much to say, though, other than a couple of truisms. At least he's reading the right sportswriters.

Prisco has Smith going 6th, to the Bengals.

 

 

4 (Tie)

CLARK JUDGE (CBS Sports)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"So they signed Jabari Greer. They still need help in the secondary, and Jenkins can play either safety or cornerback. He's too good to pass up at this spot."

 

And now, at last, we've reached what would seem to be, for the present, the Saints' best pick. Judge doesn't seem to have much to say, though, other than a couple of truisms. At least he's reading the right sportswriters. Wait, I just said that. These guys are hard to tell apart. But Judge places ahead of Prisco due to the Smith Rule.

Judge has Smith going 10th, to the 49ers.

 

 

4 (Tie)

TODD McSHAY (ESPN)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Jenkins could fall out of the top 10 following his subpar showing at the combine. He's an outstanding all-around defensive back, but his below-average speed and questionable burst out of his pedal might make him a better fit at free safety. However, the Saints will welcome his playmaking skills at either position if he falls in their laps."

 

McShay gets it right. Wonders haven't ceased. But he still has Andre Smith in the Top Ten. Not good.

McShay has Smith going 10th, to the 49ers.

 

 

4 (Tie)

ROB RANG (NFLDraftScouts.com)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Few teams probably celebrated the slower-than-expected 40 time at the combine by Jenkins, but the Saints may have been one of them. Whether at cornerback or free safety, the Thorpe Award winner would be an immediate improvement for New Orleans and a terrific value here, even with the signing of Jabari Greer."

 

Rang has been paying attention, at least where the Saints are concerned. He correctly points out that Jenkins' poor Combine showing was actually a good thing, depending on your point of view. He's not the only one to do so, of course, but...well, there it is.

Rang has Smith going 10th, to the 49ers.

 

 

4 (Tie)

CHAD REUTER (NFLDraftScouts.com)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Jabari Greer might have filled the hole at cornerback, but the Saints look to bolster other parts of the defense. Jenkins could slide to free safety -- for this team, for now -- as Josh Bullocks is still on the free agent market."

 

Well, actually Chad is a bit behind the times, and needs to update his mock. But he has the right pick, the right reason, and he even finds a way to tie Bullocks into the piece without being snarky. More than I could do.

Reuter has Smith going 10th, to the 49ers.

 

 

3

WALTER CHEREPINSKY (WalterFootball.com)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Malcolm Jenkins' stock has fallen a bit. He ran a mediocre 40 (4.55) and his poor hips were exposed in the combine drills. Said Deion Sanders of Jenkins, 'He's killing himself.' However, I can't see New Orleans passing on Jenkins, given the team's problems in the secondary. Jenkins can play both free safety and corner, though the team will be drafting him for the former in the wake of the Jabari Greer signing. The bottom line is the Saints desperately need an upgrade at free safety; I really think their fans would start having nose bleeds and seizures if Josh Bullocks and Kevin Kaesviharn were allowed to start for another year. "

 

Walter is one of my favorite mockers, so it's no surprise he's so close to the bottom of this list. Plus he's a snarkmaster of the old school, and he correctly diagnoses the emotional state of Saints fans.

Cherepinsky has Smith going 13th, to the Redskins.

 

 

2

RUSS LANDE (Sporting News)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"Though Jenkins did not run a great 40 at the Combine, he is still the best cornerback in the draft and the Saints need a lot of secondary help. He would give them a player who can start at corner and slide to safety in certain schemes."

 

Finally! Someone with the guts and foresight to drop Smith out of the first round!

Lande has Smith going 34th (2nd pick of Round 2), to the Patriots.

 

 

1

MATT McGUIRE (WalterFootball.com)
Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio State

"This is a beautiful pick for the Saints here. None of the questions surrounding Malcolm Jenkins' long speed were answered at the awful 2009 NFL Scouting Combine. Twenty corners last year ran a faster time than the fastest corner at this year's Combine. All 40s are thrown out the window, and we have to wait for Pro Days. The Saints could also go with Darius Butler here, but Jenkins gives them versatility at free safety if he does not work out at corner."

 

Lo and behold! My favorite draft mocker—despite his affection for Kiper—turns out to take first place in this totally fair and unbiased judging procedure.

What I like about McGuire is that even if you disagree with him, you have to admit he puts serious thought into his picks, rather than just pulling a name out of his bullocks (couldn't resist). He always has a reason for his picks; and usually that reason is pretty good. He also throws in other information—such as the suspect 40 times at the Combine—that other, more cavalier [read: more MSM] mockers don't bother giving.

McGuire has Smith going 49th (17th pick of Round 2!), to the Bears. In fact, he has this to say: "...up to this point I simply do not have a word to describe how much I dislike him."

 

 

Gosh, that was fun. Where are the showers? Somebody hand me a towel...

Poll
Would you say Mel Kiper is...
An empty head with a lot of hair
16 votes
On meth
17 votes
On acid
8 votes
Overdosing on hair gel
37 votes
An astute judge of talent and a genius at self-promotion
22 votes
Well, a genius at self-promotion, anyway
56 votes

156 votes | Poll has closed

0 recs  |  Comment 11 comments |

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

Display:

Mel Kiper is

… On some SERIOUS crystal meth

by AKAY47 on Mar 14, 2009 9:13 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

dont mess with meth…seth
anyone? what was that off of?
serious meth though i agree

by sernycrusher on Mar 14, 2009 9:53 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I think Kiper does a lot of research, and then speaks with great authority about something that is a crapshoot at best and that no one should even be attempting to speak with authority about, but they do it anyway. Why? Because it sells and it gets view

So, whenever any of these draft experts open their pieholes, I take it all with a grain of salt. What they say about each player may or may not be how it plays out in reality. There are many factors beyond anyone’s control at work in this field. Man, I wish I could get paid to do what he does.

Maybe he puts meth in his hair.

Nice analysis, M-E. I enjoyed reading it.

The Detroit Lions are on the clock!

by HansDat on Mar 14, 2009 9:59 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

SB Nation's Mocking the Draft

From our own Draft blog:

Percy Harvin, WR, Florida: The Buccaneers strongly pursued T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Devery Henderson, and signed neither. Because of that, and due to the fact that Sanchez is off the board, Tampa could use another wide receiver opposite Antonio Bryant.

SB Nation's Indianapolis Colts blogger at Stampede Blue. Please make an account and post a diary, add some comments, and make some noise. Accounts are free, and only require an email address.

by BigBlueShoe on Mar 14, 2009 10:21 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

just perused NFL.COM's Pat Kirwan's (don't think he made your cut, M-E) latest Mock

And for the first time, I payed really close attention to when Andre Smith goes off the board (nice angle, M-E…good to have another wrinkle to this bit of work as it enters the 2nd month of 3 until the actual draft, so it doesn’t make my eyes glaze over when I scan yet another mock as I try to stave off Saints/NFL news starvation).

It occurs to me that we really need to root for bone-headed GMs to like Andre (as a steal if he falls out of the top 10) to increase the likelihood of Jenkins dropping to us. Kirwan had Smith going to GB (one of the teams often mocked to take Jenkins).

And we also need someone to get antsy for Stafford in case Detroit doesn’t take him @ #1.

I can’t decide if it would make more sense for us to go LB – Cushing/Matthews or to roll the dice with Vontae if Jenkins is off the board. You know, if Williams is a gambling, aggressive risk-taker in defensive schemes, he might be a gambling, risk-taker in personnel evaluation/player selection. If so, then a player’s upside potential (Vontae – btw…his initials would be VD and I’m not sure I like a possible nickname being an STD – doesn’t bode well) might attract him like a moth to the flame.

The Detroit Lions are on the clock!

by HansDat on Mar 14, 2009 10:59 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I would have included Pat

if I could find his mock. I don’t see any link to it on NFL.com, so I had no reason to believe he had done one.

I just read Kirwin’s analysis of Andre Smith, and I think he’s delusional. But he might be right, because every year at least half of the GMs are delusional as well.

“His weight was down seven pounds from his combine weigh-in — so he at least demonstrated he can lose the pounds.” I would bet my house that was just water weight, and lost at the last minute. It left Smith fatigued and looking flabby, because working to lose the weight would have toned him at the same time.

You want a good analysis of Smith? Read Matt McGuire:

I am simply not buying it that Smith will be a reliable player in the NFL. I see him gaining a ton of weight, not hitting the weight room, and being very lazy not doing the little things it takes to be great. He is in it for the money and not because he wants to be one of the best.

Maybe I am being a little hard on Smith, but quite frankly it seems like I am the only one criticizing him.

I do not want any part of Smith on my football team, and when it is all said and done, he will not even crack the top 50 of my big board because of his pathetic, immature attitude.

RE-SIGN LANCE MOORE!!!!

by MtnExile on Mar 14, 2009 11:27 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

omg, losing 7 pounds out of 300+ is nothing

Hollis loses more than that each time he goes #2.

Charles Grant lost that much weight sneezing after a big meal at Commander’s.

Norman Hand lost that much weight going #2 after the first morning workout at Training Camp in 2001.

Grady Jackson puked up that much weight after the 3-mile run at the start of training camp.

Kirwan’s take on that 7-pound loss

…so he at least demonstrated he can lose the pounds.

is COMPLETELY delusional and strikes me as just plain lazy writing/investigating (or not investigating).

I agree with Matt McGuire and you that Andre is a total headcase just waiting for his signing bonus to arrive, and then he’ll have a bout of back injuries so that he never actually plays a down in the league.

The Detroit Lions are on the clock!

by HansDat on Mar 14, 2009 2:04 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

reno 911

Lt. Dangle sang that song to some school kids, oh well

by sernycrusher on Mar 14, 2009 11:18 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

if you havent

seen the movie do your self a favor and BUY IT

by sernycrusher on Mar 14, 2009 11:29 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

have to disagree

on two counts—

first, i don’t think the knowshon moreno pick is THAT crazy, in all honesty. apparently a saints scout thinks he’s comparable to LT, and all the nonsense that was the LT-to-NO rumors—plus payton’s seemingly obsessive fascination with offensive weapons—suggests if he’s the top-rated guy when we’re on the clock, we’re picking him. i haven’t heard any rumblings about how sold we are on malcom jenkins, and i’ve heard even less about vontae davis—so even if we all . i’d say kiper might be right, especially if we trade back into like the #20 spot in the 1st (pick up a 2nd or 3rd rounder to land william moore/louis delmas/sean smith) and moreno is still there. not likely, but definitely not meth-inspired.

second, i think the andre smith bashing is a bit of pre-draft posturing. sure, he looked like a walrus running without his shirt on, but there’s a reason he was the top-rated tackle all season— i don’t think he’s going to fall that far, and i think teams want to talk him down so that people ahead of them don’t take him. that’s always a phenomenon of the draft—like how brady quinn kept getting talked up before the draft, only to free fall because no one actually wanted him. the opposite could be happening with smith— although i’ll admit all the stuff going on with him is really bizarre.

ultimately, though, i hope it’s as simple as jenkins falling to 14, we take him, and have a perennial pro-bowler at FS for the next like eight seasons. i just feel like the payton-era saints are waaaayyyyy too unpredictable to be set thinking we’re going to do what’s logically best.

by jful on Mar 14, 2009 1:17 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I liked the poll

cept I was looking for the “ALL OF THE ABOVE” button. LOL

I am not a Pirate! I am a Pre-Salvage Engineer. I get things before they get wet.

by horp the reckless on Mar 18, 2009 12:20 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

The ultimate community for lovers of all things Black and Gold! The latest news, commentary, discussion, linkage and more! Join in the conversation now with all of your fellow Who Dats!
Start posting about the Saints »

Join SB Nation and dive into communities focused on all your favorite teams.

FanPosts

Community blog posts and discussion.

Recommended FanPosts

Mars_small
Dear, Abby...
Reggiebushvsredskins_small
Saints at Dolphins - The View from Section 438
Thefalcoholic_small
Ask The Falcoholic!

Recent FanPosts

Small
BLESS YOU BOYS
7d35_1_small
New Orleans Saints Player Pick 'Em Contest - Week 10 @ Rams
Drinkitupwd_small
It's called 8-0 Who Dat's!
Small
The Saints will not be  denied
7d35_1_small
Reggie's Leap
Dscn0098_small
Is it just me or
000271_small
De Mario Pressley, Thank you, thank you very much...
Saints_small
CAR vs N.O in our house
Tweet_bigger_normal_small
The Perfect Storm
Small
To all Carolina Saints Fans!!!

+ New FanPost All FanPosts >

Latest NFL Headlines from SB Nation

Cincy Jungle
Keith Rivers leaves on crutches. MRI shows it's not a season-ending injury
Big Blue View
TC: "You can second-guess it all you want"
Big Blue View
Tom Coughlin post-game, 11.08.09

Featured Poll

Poll
Which team will lose first?

  261 votes | Results

Forecast Radio

Listen to Ralph, Kevin and myself talk about all things Saints every week. 

We're on Twitter!

Click here to start following Da Chronic! Tweet, tweet!

Twitter-logo_medium


Head Coach

Bensonshock_small Saintsational

Offensive Coordinator (Contributor)

Avatar_small MtnExile

Small Hap Glaudi's Ghost

Images_small saints-nation