Friday Football Hatefest!

Oh, football. Thank God you have returned. Now my work week can be filled with hate-filled emails among my friends and I can waste countless hours on my fantasy team. I'll be surprised if I get any work done until January. This column will be a look ahead at NFC South games and whatever else NFL-wise that interests me; mostly filled with hate but not always.

Wasn't it awesome when all those teams crap-canned their offensive coordinators right before the season started? Best part: Saints get to play two of the teams! Tampa fired Jeff Jagodzinski apparently because he didn't have a clue as to how to actually install an NFL offense. Tampa is going to be a car fire. Raheem Morris botched his most important hire as head coach. The Bucs actually have some talent and I fully expect the Glazer family to correct this disaster after the season. Until then, let's all enjoy the suck. The only downside is going to be having to listen to Cowboy fans run their fat mouths after the Boys destroy Tampa. Grgh.

Tampa and Buffalo are going to be in a steel cage death match to win the 2009 Fantasy Football Black Hole Award. The Fantasy Football black hole is where decent fantasy players get swallowed up and disappear into a pool of raw sewage never to be heard from again. Buffalo also told Turk Schonert to take the no huddle offense to Canada or something. The funniest thing about this was Schonert ripping Bills coach Dick Jauron after the firing. Schonert said Jauron kept telling him to simplify the offense. "He wants a 'Pop Warner' offense," Schonert said. "He limited me in formations, and limited me in plays. He's been on my back all offseason." Dude, if your boss tells you to do something for months on end and you don't do it...you get axed. The upside for the Saints...the Bills will now have a playbook about as deep as Super Tecmo Bowl. T.O. might go on a killing spree in upstate New York by Week 5. Joy.

Kansas City also fired their offensive coordinator but the Saints don't play the Chiefs and I don't have any of their players on my fantasy team so I don't give a crap! I'm honest.

Ok, now on to what we really care about: The Detroit Lions at the New Orleans Saints. The Saints get the added bonus of having Charles Grant and Will Smith. I fully expect the Saints to throttle Detroit. How can a team go 0-16 and not fire everyone in the building? Jesus. I guess they'll be better since Jim Schwartz isn't functionally challenged like Rod Marinelli. Still, they didn't change the roster too much from last year and they only had four games decided by less than a TD last season. Only Tennessee beat the Lions worse then the Saints did last year. Think about that. Sure the Saints played Detroit at the end when the Lions were already resigned to the defeated season but I re-watched the game for fun and the Saints could have scored sixty points. I swear to God.

I predict the Saints will look fantastic and the national media will completely ignore it. Oh and there will be a fantasy stampede for Mike Bell after he has a huge game because Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush only get limited touches. Saints 49-17 

Atlanta Falcons at Miami Dolphins: My prediction is that the Falcons start 0-3. They open with the Fish, then Carolina, then at New England. I guess Matt Ryan might not be going to Canton. Dolphins 28-17.

Philadelphia Eagles at Carolina Panthers: Let's all laugh as Jake continues the Panthers crappy preseason right into games that count! Steve Smith is going to punch someone in the face really soon! Eagles 21-18. 

Dallas Cowboys at Tampa Bay Bucanneers: I actually think the Bucs will fight their ass off for three quarters but if you don't score you can't win. Cowboys 21-3.

It's finally here! Yes...

 

Saints video to make you appreciate Bobby Hebert

Twenty years ago the Saints opened the 1989 against the Dallas Cowboys. It was the dawn of the Jimmy Johnson/Jerry Jones era. Going off this performance you might think it was still born. The Cowboys were just beginning their 1-15 journey. Bobby Hebert started the game going 8 for 9, Dalton had a TD run and the Saints had scoring drives of ten and eight minutes in the first half. It was the classic Jim Mora team beat down. Like a barracuda squeezing the life out of its prey. Some guy named Derrick Shepard even ran a punt back to close out the first half. The 2009 Lions remind me a lot of the 1989 Cowboys...except there won't be three Super Bowls in the Lions' future.

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