After a brief hiatus (and 2 losses), I'm back to continue the hate. Please feel free to leave comments and continue the Cardinal bashing.
12 Reasons to hate the Arizona Cardinals:
12. The Male Northern Cardinal, of which the team’s mascot is based, is not even regionally based in Arizona. According to Wikipedia (which is always right), the Northern Cardinal’s expansive regional territory is found as far west as Texas, but not Arizona.
11. They stake claim of fake championships. In 1925 and 1947, the Cardinals claim to have won the championship, but this was long before there was even a super bowl, and one of them was total bull, because the Pottsville Maroons TOTALLY beat them!
10. Larry Fitzgerald is so awesome that I can’t hate him. I hate that!
9. Kurt Warner encourages his family to stereotype people. When out to dinner, his family buys a meal for a family that seems less fortunate in the same restaurant. Says Brenda Warner:
“It’s gotten to be part of a game with the kids. They’ll say ‘Oh, that family has a lot of kids, dinner must be expensive.’ Or ‘They look old, maybe it’s hard for them to afford eating out a lot.’”
And they aren’t even good at it. Last year they bought a meal for a family of 20, just to find out that they picked up a tab for a Steelers player and his family. Whoops.
8. Their tea tastes like urine.
7. The Arizona flag is a perfect mix between the Japanese Imperial Flag and the Chinese Communist Flag. Do the Arizona Cardinals hate America? I’m not saying they, do, I just think these questions need to be asked. (Glenn Beck’d!11!1!)
6. Of all the Southwestern states, Arizona gets the gold medal for “lame”.
Nevada has Vegas.
New Mexico has those Balloons.
Texas has TexMex.
Arizona has…John McCain?
I don’t want to hear nuthin’ ‘bout no freakin’ grand canyon, either!
5. Kurt Warner and his wife have 7 kids. Brenda Warner is not a woman, she’s a clown car.
4. Their stadium is named after a for-profit university that boasts a 16% graduation rate.
3. NOLA’s undrafted Beer Truck Driver is cooler than ‘Zona’s undrafted Grocery bagger.
2. The last two games, I didn’t hate enough, and those games were lost. That should be reason enough.
1. If you want to crown ‘em, then crown their a**, but they who we thought they were!