Have you ever experienced a puzzled, confused feeling while listening to an NFL coaches dialog with the media? Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I think I have broken the code that NFL coaches across the league have been using during press conferences. This is just a partial list but offers a sample matrix of what we hear and how we can process it.
The code is actually quite simple. Choose a number from the first column, a number from the second column, then a number from the third column. Example:
Q: “Coach, how are you preparing for the upcoming game?”
A: “We are concentrating on (1) aggressive (10) game plan (5) theatrics. It’s worked for us before.”
See, easy huh? 1, 10, 5. Chose any random three numbers and you can hold a press conference like a pro!
Q: "Coach, how are you handling the multiple injuries to your secondary?"
A: "By encouraging energetic defensive options (1, 2, 4)." Bing, bang, boom. Conference over! Try it.
(Note: Numbers 11 can only be used together for maximum vagueness.)
1. Aggressive 1. Offensive 1. Attitude
2. Concerted 2. Defensive 2. Playcalling
3. Determined 3. Special Teams 3. Effort
4. Energetic 4. Running 4. Options
5. Proven 5. Passing 5. Theatrics
6. Overbearing 6. Huddle 6. Antics
7. Suppressive 7. Sideline 7. Planning
8. Optimal 8. Goal line 8. Performance
9. Excessive 9. Crowd 9. Reactions
10. Victorious 10. Game plan 10. Results
11. It is 11. what 11. it is.