Super bowl Hangover: Practice makes Poetry

(Scene: Drew Brees and Reggie Bush are practicing in the Saints practice facility, others in the facility include Jahri Evans, Carl Nicks, Marques Colston, Charles Brown, Roman Harper, Will Smith, Sean Payton, Usama Young, and Jonathan Vilma. The Conversation between Brees and Bush is as follows.)

Brees: Sorry about that phone call man, things were crazy by myself and it made me appreciate Brittney a bit more.

Bush: Forget it man, things can get tough.

Brees: Thanks, so what did I miss that night...besides the Falcons winning of course.

Bush: Um, well not much except what happened to Hartley.

Brees: What happened to him?

Bush: Well Chase told coach that Hartley had replaced all his....

(Payton walks over and interrupts the conversation)

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Payton: Hey Drew, did you watch that game tape on the Seahawks last night?

Brees: Yeah, gotta watch out for their cover 2. Alright continue Reggie.

Bush: Uhh..ok well, you see. I was upset about my Heisman being taken from me by the media forcing me to give it back, so I went and scaled the building after buying that authentic bat man equipment from Ochocinco and Terr...

Brees: What? No, I'm talking about what happened to Hartley.

Payton: (Spins Brees around and looks him dead in the eyes.) You don't need to know what happened to Hartley...got it?

Brees: Uhh ok.

(Scene move: A small basement in Virgina, Hartley begins to wake up from his adderall induced slumber and notices that he is trapped in the basement.)

Hartley: Ugh, where am I? And why am I..chained?

???: It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!

Hartley: What?

???: It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!

Hartley:...I hate Chase. I really do.

(Scene move: Back to Payton's conversation)

Payton: Regardless of the matter, Hartley will be out this week and we need a new kicker. (Uses cell phone to Speed dial 3)

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Carney: Hello?

Payton: Carney? Hey, Hartley is out this week with...his new girlfriend. So I decided to give him the week off. I want you to come and kick while he is out.

Carney: Well I'm not sure Sean, I would need my cane to get on the field, plus my leg is made of jello since that is all I have been eating. Plus I'm 46 years old, I think it's time for me to hang it up.

Payton: But then..who would kick for us? Sedrick Ellis can't go Suh for us.

Carney: Well there are other kickers out there.

Payton:(Speaking to Brees and Bush) Carney is giving me some BS about there being other kickers on the market. I know that's bull, right guys?

Brees: Um, coach there are plenty of other guys, hell we could draft one like we did for Morstead. I mean that worked out right?

Payton:(blank stare) Carney why can't you kick?

Carney: (sighs) fine but just one week.

Payton: Got it three weeks it is. (Hangs up)

Payton: Alright, I'm going back to draw up some more plays. Reggie follow me, I need to rub your head for good luck.

Bush: (reluctantly) fine Coach, but this time keep your hands where I can see them.

(Brees walks over to the O-line warm ups where Nicks and Evans are bickering.)

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Evans: Cmon man, you promised you would let me read my poetry for the team today.

Nicks: Nuh uh, I get to do my dance routine today and I will take up all the time.

Evans: And the space.

Nicks: What was that?

Evans: You are so fat the food is now being pulled to you by your own gravitational pull.

Nicks: Oh you did not just call me fat you false starting mother....

Brees: Woah fellas whats going on?

Nicks: Nothing, except Evans is acting like a 5 year old.

Evans: Am not wide ass.

Nicks: Are to 5 yards.

Brees: Look if I want to go home to deal with this **** with my 2 year olds, I will, but we got some work to do, now cmon guys we need to run a play or two.

(Brees runs a play with Harper, Vilma, Colston, Evans, Nicks, and Will Smith)

(The pass is above Colston, he can't catch it, and it is intercepted by Vilma)

Vilma: WOOOOOOO YEAH! I love me some INT.

Brees: Dammit Marques, you gotta catch those.

(Colston looks at Brees as if to imply it's his fault, but just hurries back to the huddle while counting to 5 in french)

Smith: Carl, will you stop holding me like I'm your mother please.

Nicks: I am not, it's not my fault you are going 100% in practice.

Smith That's called trying your hardest, since I don't want to get my ass benched

Nicks: That was the preseason, why you wanna start something you Will Smith wannabe?

Smith: Bring it bench warmer.

(The two get into a fight)

Harper: GO SMITH! Tear him a new one.

Vilma: Hey break it up guys! Cmon, don't let coach see you.

(Brees bang head on the bleachers)

(Vilma breaks up the fight, but takes a blow to the face.)

Vilma: Look you two crybabies, Are we teammates?

Smith and Nicks: Yeah

Vilma: Are we gonna go out there and practice like 25 year olds or 5 year olds?

Smith and Nicks: 25 year olds.

Vilma: Alright then, now go do some laps or something.

Smith: He still started it.

Nicks: GRRRRR

(Brees bangs head harder)

Vilma: You ok Drew?

Brees: No, I got a concussion, I'm going to go get some Vicodin from Sean's stash in the tape room. I'll be back.

(Brees leaves)

(Colston looks around and decides to go get a hamburger, preferably with mayo.)

Vilma: Man I can't believe how people can act like kids.

Harper: Yeah me either. Speaking of that, you shoulda been at Reggie's party, we got to see the Kardashian video.

Vilma: What? He showed that to you?

Harper: Accidentally, but we ragged him for it. Incidentally, did you know Reggie had a tattoo of juicy fruit on his inner thigh?

Vilma: Juicy fruit?

Harper: Yeah it was weird, Coach realllly likes Reggie.

Vilma: You think that's bad, you should see what Greg did to Greer's thigh.

Harper: What is it?

Vilma: A diagram of a bonzai blitz.

Harper: (shudders)

(In the distance, Charles Brown and Usama Young are sitting on the bleachers)

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Brown: You can do that?

Young: Yeah, I saw it myself.

Brown: That's amazing, I didn't know it was edible.

Young: Me either, but Harper told me himself, and Sharper seemed to agree with him.

Brown: Man, the rookies learn last around here.

Young: At least you weren't locked in the closet with a cat for 7 minutes like Morstead.

Brown: Why did they do that?

Young: Not sure, maybe he is allergic to cats or something.

(Scene move: Local hamburger place)

(Colston bites into his hamburger)

Colston: Hey, no mayo!

(Colston drops his hamburger like it was a pass in the numbers.)

(Scene End)