Super bowl Hangover: Dinner in Dallas

(Scene: Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Sean Payton, Jerry Jones, Jason Garrett, Dez Bryant, Tony Romo, Roy Williams are at a 5 star restaurant in Dallas sitting around a table, waiting to order. The Conversation begins with Payton speaking to Jones.)

Payton: Can you believe it?

Jones: That is amazing.

Brees: We never did believe it was actually real, we thought he was just kidding.

Romo: Preeeeeety

Payton: Yupp, it's real boys. (zips pants back up) 100% Brass Balls.

via politicalvindication.com

Brees: Now you know why the Onside kick was so easy for him to call.

Jones: I can see that.

Payton: Sorry, anymore and I would have had to charge you to stare at them.

Romo: Can I touch them?

Bush: Payton made me touch one time.

Payton: (gives Reggie an evil glare)

via cmsimg.theadvertiser.com

Bush: (sigh)

Brees: So, why has Dallas done so poorly this year?

Jones: Well, the reason is because Wade Phillips was a poor head coach and he duped me into believing he had another season or two in him.

Romo: But Boss, I thought you told me it was because you didn't draft O-lin...

Jones: (pushs button)

(Romo's shock collar goes off)

Romo: GAAAAH, sorry boss.

(Brees and Payton look at each other, while Reggie spills butter all over his hands)

Bush: Crap, I hope this butter comes off before the game tomorrow.

Jones: So anyway, I corrected this problem with my new and forever head coach in Jason Garrett.

via a.espncdn.com

Garrett: Thank you Jerry, I would like to also thank my mother for prepping me as a child by telling me what to do, and also I would like to thank (zap)

(Jones pushes a different button and zaps Garrett's collar)

Jones: DON'T SPEAK UNLESS I TELL YOU TO!

(Payton and Brees look at each other nervously, Roy Williams then begins to speak)

Williams: Am I relevant yet?

Jones: No, now have another roll (hands Roy a roll)

Williams: Reggie can you hand me some butter?

(Reggie hands Roy the butter, Roy begins to rub butter on roll then spills on hands)

Williams: Dang, hope this butter comes off before the game tomorrow.

Jones: So if I could speak without being interrupted... I am excited looking forward to the future, and if we beat you guys tomorrow then I would have a positive outlook for the future.

Dez Bryant: CAN I SPEAK YET!?

Jones: (sigh) yes you can Dez.

Dez: THANK YOU. NOW, I WOULD like to order. Is that ok with everyone else?

(group nods in agreement)

Dez; WAITER!

(Waiter rushes over)

Waiter: How may i help you sir?

Dez: I would like a 52 oz porterhouse, and I WANT steak sauce with it ok??

Waiter: Yes sir, right away. And for you sirs?

Payton: I would like a filet, well done.

Brees: Same as Payton, but I want my medium well.

(Williams, Romo, and Garrett all look at Jones. Jones then nods)

Romo: I want cookies

Williams: More Rolls!

Garrett: Grilled Cheese!

Jones: I would like a filet as well, but make mine rare.

(Brees leans over to Payton and whispers): Why did they order children food at this place?

Payton: I'm not sure, don't question it though, who knows what may happen.

(Payton's cell phone goes off)

(Payton answers): Hello? You are? Great, come on in we are in the back.

(hangs up)

Payton: Hartley has finally made it everyone!

Brees: He..has?

Payton: Yupp here he comes..

via media.scout.com

Carney as Hartley: Hi everyone, glad I could make it tonight.

Jones: My God! Hartley boy, you have aged!

Carney: Yeah, I hung around with Chase too much in the offseason.

(Scene change: Hartley begins to climb on top of cliffs, and realizes he is in a desert of some sort)

Hartley: Friggin Chase, telling coach I replaced his juicy fruit. I'm still not sure how I broke out of that guy's place.

(looks around and sees a run down cabin and hurrys to it)

Hartley: Well, since it is dark I will stay another night here before I head out in the morning.

(floorboards creek)

Hartley: Who's there?

????: Hello

Hartley: My God, what happened to you..and your..kid?

????: Will you be staying for dinner?..kid?

Hartley: Wow, you look like the people from that movie the hills have eyes!

????: Will you stay for dinner?

(More people surround Hartley)

Hartley:......S**t

(Scene change: Back to the restaurant)

Jones: Well, watch out for him I guess, age can get to you I can attest to that. Been dealing with it for 342 years.

(Brees, Payton, and Bush look at Jones): What?

Jones: HAHAHA, just kidding. You didn't actually believe that about me did you?

Brees: Uhh, you never know.

Jones (thinking): Crap, another slip like that and I will ruin the chances of getting them on my side.

Jones (out loud): So, let's cut down to brass...err tacks Sean. I brought you here tonight to try and get you to come work for me and be the Cowboys head coach.

Payton: Wow, that is generous Jerry, but I've got a good thing going in NOLA.

Jones (grumbling): Look Sean, I'm not asking you, come work for me...or else.

Payton: Or else?

Jones: COME WORK FOR ME DAMMIT!

Payton:I can't go work for you, and how can you just offer this job to be in front of Jason? And Romo too

Jones: Oh for Christ's sake you idiot. (Rips off the faces of Romo and Garrett, revealing them to be robots)

Jones: They are my yes-bots you dumbass. Just like Wade was. But it isn't working anymore and my deal with the devil dictates that I must have better than a 5-11 season or else I will lose my eternal age. Now come work for me, or I will cause you untold misery if you decline.

Payton:.......Um..Romo?

Romo: Yes Sean?

Payton: Are you an idiot?

Romo: Yes I am Sean, I should not be the starter of this team and it is my fault we can't win NOT JERRY JONES!!

Payton:.....

Brees:.....

Bush: Why won't this damn butter come off!

Jones: Alright, I will make you a deal. Beat Dallas tomorrow, and you can stay in NOLA, lose and come coach my team.

Payton: Can I bring Reggie? And his humongous...contract?

Jones: Yes.

Payton: Fine.

Jones: (evil laugh): good now lets have a toast....

via equaleye.files.wordpress.com

to me.

(Group drinks the wine Jerry had set out)

(As time passes, Jerry's smile wanes and turns into a frown)

Jerry: Romo...which wine did you spike?

(Romo collapses at the table, shorting his circuits)

Jones: (Facepalm) Stupid Quarterback

Bush: Man I hope this butter doesn't effect my game tomorrow.

Williams: Me either.

Garrett: I would like to thank my mother....

Bush: As would I, she was fantastic. (High 5's Roy, the butter forces their hands to slip and they smack each other in the face)

Brees: So um, how bout them cowboys?

(Jerry Jones begins to bang head against table)

(Scene End)