FanPost

Super bowl Hangover: It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

(Scene begins: Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, Jeremy Shockey, Roman Harper, Usama Young, Darren Sharper, and Tracy Porter are all back at Reggie's house for a Christmas gathering. Bush is entertaining the guests)

Bush: So after I got out of the building with the trophy, I brought it back here and placed it in the Foyer as you saw last time you guys were here.

Thomas: (yawn) Real interesting stuff there Reg. How about we watch some tv?

Bush: NO TV!

(group looks at Reggie)

Bush: Tv is..just bad. Don't watch it.

Harper: Aww, was our Reggie watching another one of his tapes?

Bush:...maybe

Harper: Look, it's better for us all to find out and let me watch later or I will give you hell about it forever.

Bush: I could give it to you, and I know you wouldn't run away with it since you aren't even quick enough to outrun Bradford.

Harper: (flustered) Look man, just give me the damn tape.

Bush: Fine, here you go. (hands Harper the tape)

Harper: Heh, Merry Khristmas to me.

Sharper: So anyway, when do we eat? I'm starving.

Bush: He should be back with the food soon. We can just wait until then.

Porter: I brought some gumbo if anyone wants some.

Shockey: I WANT PIZZA!

Bush: Hold on, hes bringing it back.

Young: Can't we just pick up a woman and eat her? Reggie ate that girl and she liked it.

Shockey: Heh, I like his plan.

Sharper: Don't encourage him. Usama, what'd I tell you? You killed that joke, now stop it.

Young: I don't even know what I did.

(knock on the door, Bush goes to open it, Malcolm Jenkins walks in with the pizza)

Malcolm-jenkins-in-bow-tie_medium

via astorblack.files.wordpress.com

Jenkins: Alright I got 3 pepperoni, 2 supreme, the 2 meat lovers for Shockey, and the Cheese pizza for Usama.

Shockey: Awesome, my meat is hot!

Harper: That wouldn't be what she said, maybe that's what he said?

(Shockey throws a chair in Harper's direction)

Shockey: What was that slow guy?

Harper: Uh, nothing.

Brees: Is it always like this?

Bush: All the time.

(10 - 15 minutes pass)

Bush: Damn, I'm stuffed.

Porter: That's not a new feeling for you, is it?

Bush: What you talking about Tracy?

Porter: Oh, nothing nothing. *Coughs* -4 yards *Coughs*.

Bush: Oh haha. Hilarious. Not my fault that..

Sharper: You can't run? Don't worry, Harper has that same problem.

Brees: So um, Baylen started running recently.

Shockey: Drew, keep your baby talk for the women.

Young: Hey, I wanted to know that. Does that make me a woman?

Sharper: Yeah it does, but Shockey come on. Don't be like that.

Shockey: Fine.

Bush: Would opening presents make you feel better?

(Shockey nods)

Bush: Alright we just need to wait till...

(knock on the door, Bush goes and answers)

Einsteins-saints-copy_medium

via katchop.com

Payton: Alright, Alright I'm here. Let's do the presents.

Shockey: Yay!

Young: Yay!

Shockey: Shut up Usama.

(Usama pouts)

Payton: Alright now Bush, you are first since it's your house. See what I got you.

Bush: Alright...let's see...it's a ...dog collar?!?!

Payton: (whispering to Bush) you can wear it (winks)

(Bush shudders and calmly cries to himself)

Payton: Alright Pierre, see what I got you. It's way over there, next to the knives, rat poison, and phone numbers of every NFL GM.

Thomas: (opens present) a doghouse?

Payton: I figured your current one was getting uncomfortable. So I got you a new dog house to stay in.

Thomas: Is this some metaphor for wanting me gone?

Payton:....maybe.

Bush: Alright Shockey, see what I got you.

Shockey: (opens present) ALRIGHT!! ROADHOUSE!!!

Brees: Didn't you get him that last year?

Shockey: I need new copies yearly. I end up eating them at year's end to gain the strength of Patrick Swayze.

Brees: Is it sad that I believe you?

(multiple knocks on door with sounds of "blitz" being made. Reggie opens the door)

Gregg_williams_is_scary_medium

via 4.bp.blogspot.com

Williams: HOW IS EVERYONE DOING?!

Everyone: Fine Gregg.

Williams: GREAT! I'VE BROUGHT PRESENTS FOR MY GUYS!!

Harper: Wow coach, what did you get us?

Williams: WELL, I GOT HARPER A TREADMILL. I GOT SHARPER A TAPE ON THE FALCONS. I GOT USAMA A TAPE ON "ATTENDANCE". I GOT PORTER SOME GUMBO. AND I BOUGHT MALCOLM A BOAT.

Sharper: WHAT!? Jenkins gets a boat?

Williams: YEAH, I LIKE THAT JENKINS GUY.

Jenkins: Wow coach! Thanks!

Young: (grumbles)

Payton: Alright, so Brees we all pitched in to get you your gift. Since you have been the heart and soul of this team for 5 years and the person who has been doing great this year. So we want you to have this.

Brees: Wow thanks guys! It's a...poster of myself??

Payton: Yeah, we figured primadonna QB like themselves so much you would want posters of yourself.

Brees: Umm What the F***? I am not a primadonna, and I do not want posters of myself.

Payton: So you arn't a primadonna?

Brees: No.

Payton: But you don't like the gift.

Brees: No.

Harper: Primadonna.

Brees: (sigh) Whatever. Well I got gifts for two people. First off, I got one for Hartley.Where is he?

(Scene change: Hartley is in a basement in an Atlanta house tied up and in a chair)

Hartley: Where am I? What happened? I just remember...Oh my God. I'm in Atlanta. I have to get out of here before...

(In walks in Falcons fans)

Article-1091556-02a8420d000005dc-466_468x312_popup_medium

via i.dailymail.co.uk

Falcon fan: (noises)

Hartley: What?

Falcon fan: (noises)

Hartley: I don't understand.

Falcon fan leader: He wants to know why You are here.

Hartley: Look I got lost somewhere in Virginia and I have been trying to get back to...Houston. And Atlanta was inadvertently on the way

(Falcon leader looks into Hartley's eyes)

Leader: I see the adderall in your eyes. Now tell me where are you headed boy. (puts hand on shoulder of Hartley)

Hartley: Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

Leader: (snarls and removes hand) Where are you headed?

Hartley: New Orleans.

(groups erupts with anger)

Leader: (low pitch evil laugh) Then I have good news, they will come on Monday. You can...stay here till then.

Hartley: NOOOOOOOOO

(Scene Revert)

Payton: Hartley isn't here right now, who's the other gift for.

Brees: It's for you Sean.

Payton: Wow, really?

Brees: Yupp, here you go. (hands Payton a package shaped a lot like gum)

Payton: Oh hahaha, I wonder what it is. (begins to open it)

(Brees starts to walk towards the door)

Payton: Almost got it now.

(Brees opens the front door quietly, then closes and heads to his car)

Payton: And it's...........(throws the package to the other side of the room)

(A car is heard driving off in the distance)

Bush: What's wrong coach?

Williams: WAS IT A BLITZ PACKAGE?

(Harper goes and picks the package up)

Sharper: What was it?

Harper:........Big Red.

Payton: DREWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

(Hours later: Harper is back at home)

Ph2009122402050_medium

via www.washingtonpost.com

Harper: Haha, now I get to watch the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Thank you Reggie. (flips on tv)

???: And look at Reggie go! He's running and running..TOUCHDOWN!!

Reggie: How'd I do mommy?

Reggie's mom: You did good honey!

Reggie: You think I will be a football player one day?

Reggie's mom: Yupp, and you can support us with all your money huh?

Harper: What the f***??? REGGIE! YOU JIPPED ME!!!

(Scene end)

This FanPost was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Canal Street Chronicles

You must be a member of Canal Street Chronicles to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Canal Street Chronicles. You should read them.

Join Canal Street Chronicles

You must be a member of Canal Street Chronicles to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Canal Street Chronicles. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker