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Around SBN: Watch Out For Cowboys UDFA Tim Benford

Super bowl Hangover: It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

(Scene begins: Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, Jeremy Shockey, Roman Harper, Usama Young, Darren Sharper, and Tracy Porter are all back at Reggie's house for a Christmas gathering. Bush is entertaining the guests)

Bush: So after I got out of the building with the trophy, I brought it back here and placed it in the Foyer as you saw last time you guys were here.

Thomas: (yawn) Real interesting stuff there Reg. How about we watch some tv?

Bush: NO TV!

(group looks at Reggie)

Bush: Tv is..just bad. Don't watch it.

Harper: Aww, was our Reggie watching another one of his tapes?

Bush:...maybe

Harper: Look, it's better for us all to find out and let me watch later or I will give you hell about it forever.

Bush: I could give it to you, and I know you wouldn't run away with it since you aren't even quick enough to outrun Bradford.

Harper: (flustered) Look man, just give me the damn tape.

Bush: Fine, here you go. (hands Harper the tape)

Harper: Heh, Merry Khristmas to me.

Sharper: So anyway, when do we eat? I'm starving.

Bush: He should be back with the food soon. We can just wait until then.

Porter: I brought some gumbo if anyone wants some.

Shockey: I WANT PIZZA!

Bush: Hold on, hes bringing it back.

Young: Can't we just pick up a woman and eat her? Reggie ate that girl and she liked it.

Shockey: Heh, I like his plan.

Sharper: Don't encourage him. Usama, what'd I tell you? You killed that joke, now stop it.

Young: I don't even know what I did.

(knock on the door, Bush goes to open it, Malcolm Jenkins walks in with the pizza)

Malcolm-jenkins-in-bow-tie_medium

via astorblack.files.wordpress.com

Jenkins: Alright I got 3 pepperoni, 2 supreme, the 2 meat lovers for Shockey, and the Cheese pizza for Usama.

Shockey: Awesome, my meat is hot!

Harper: That wouldn't be what she said, maybe that's what he said?

(Shockey throws a chair in Harper's direction)

Shockey: What was that slow guy?

Harper: Uh, nothing.

Brees: Is it always like this?

Bush: All the time.

(10 - 15 minutes pass)

Bush: Damn, I'm stuffed.

Porter: That's not a new feeling for you, is it?

Bush: What you talking about Tracy?

Porter: Oh, nothing nothing. *Coughs* -4 yards *Coughs*.

Bush: Oh haha. Hilarious. Not my fault that..

Sharper: You can't run? Don't worry, Harper has that same problem.

Brees: So um, Baylen started running recently.

Shockey: Drew, keep your baby talk for the women.

Young: Hey, I wanted to know that. Does that make me a woman?

Sharper: Yeah it does, but Shockey come on. Don't be like that.

Shockey: Fine.

Bush: Would opening presents make you feel better?

(Shockey nods)

Bush: Alright we just need to wait till...

(knock on the door, Bush goes and answers)

Einsteins-saints-copy_medium

via katchop.com

Payton: Alright, Alright I'm here. Let's do the presents.

Shockey: Yay!

Young: Yay!

Shockey: Shut up Usama.

(Usama pouts)

Payton: Alright now Bush, you are first since it's your house. See what I got you.

Bush: Alright...let's see...it's a ...dog collar?!?!

Payton: (whispering to Bush) you can wear it (winks)

(Bush shudders and calmly cries to himself)

Payton: Alright Pierre, see what I got you. It's way over there, next to the knives, rat poison, and phone numbers of every NFL GM.

Thomas: (opens present) a doghouse?

Payton: I figured your current one was getting uncomfortable. So I got you a new dog house to stay in.

Thomas: Is this some metaphor for wanting me gone?

Payton:....maybe.

Bush: Alright Shockey, see what I got you.

Shockey: (opens present) ALRIGHT!! ROADHOUSE!!!

Brees: Didn't you get him that last year?

Shockey: I need new copies yearly. I end up eating them at year's end to gain the strength of Patrick Swayze.

Brees: Is it sad that I believe you?

(multiple knocks on door with sounds of "blitz" being made. Reggie opens the door)

Gregg_williams_is_scary_medium

via 4.bp.blogspot.com

Williams: HOW IS EVERYONE DOING?!

Everyone: Fine Gregg.

Williams: GREAT! I'VE BROUGHT PRESENTS FOR MY GUYS!!

Harper: Wow coach, what did you get us?

Williams: WELL, I GOT HARPER A TREADMILL. I GOT SHARPER A TAPE ON THE FALCONS. I GOT USAMA A TAPE ON "ATTENDANCE". I GOT PORTER SOME GUMBO. AND I BOUGHT MALCOLM A BOAT.

Sharper: WHAT!? Jenkins gets a boat?

Williams: YEAH, I LIKE THAT JENKINS GUY.

Jenkins: Wow coach! Thanks!

Young: (grumbles)

Payton: Alright, so Brees we all pitched in to get you your gift. Since you have been the heart and soul of this team for 5 years and the person who has been doing great this year. So we want you to have this.

Brees: Wow thanks guys! It's a...poster of myself??

Payton: Yeah, we figured primadonna QB like themselves so much you would want posters of yourself.

Brees: Umm What the F***? I am not a primadonna, and I do not want posters of myself.

Payton: So you arn't a primadonna?

Brees: No.

Payton: But you don't like the gift.

Brees: No.

Harper: Primadonna.

Brees: (sigh) Whatever. Well I got gifts for two people. First off, I got one for Hartley.Where is he?

(Scene change: Hartley is in a basement in an Atlanta house tied up and in a chair)

Hartley: Where am I? What happened? I just remember...Oh my God. I'm in Atlanta. I have to get out of here before...

(In walks in Falcons fans)

Article-1091556-02a8420d000005dc-466_468x312_popup_medium

via i.dailymail.co.uk

Falcon fan: (noises)

Hartley: What?

Falcon fan: (noises)

Hartley: I don't understand.

Falcon fan leader: He wants to know why You are here.

Hartley: Look I got lost somewhere in Virginia and I have been trying to get back to...Houston. And Atlanta was inadvertently on the way

(Falcon leader looks into Hartley's eyes)

Leader: I see the adderall in your eyes. Now tell me where are you headed boy. (puts hand on shoulder of Hartley)

Hartley: Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

Leader: (snarls and removes hand) Where are you headed?

Hartley: New Orleans.

(groups erupts with anger)

Leader: (low pitch evil laugh) Then I have good news, they will come on Monday. You can...stay here till then.

Hartley: NOOOOOOOOO

(Scene Revert)

Payton: Hartley isn't here right now, who's the other gift for.

Brees: It's for you Sean.

Payton: Wow, really?

Brees: Yupp, here you go. (hands Payton a package shaped a lot like gum)

Payton: Oh hahaha, I wonder what it is. (begins to open it)

(Brees starts to walk towards the door)

Payton: Almost got it now.

(Brees opens the front door quietly, then closes and heads to his car)

Payton: And it's...........(throws the package to the other side of the room)

(A car is heard driving off in the distance)

Bush: What's wrong coach?

Williams: WAS IT A BLITZ PACKAGE?

(Harper goes and picks the package up)

Sharper: What was it?

Harper:........Big Red.

Payton: DREWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

(Hours later: Harper is back at home)

Ph2009122402050_medium

via www.washingtonpost.com

Harper: Haha, now I get to watch the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Thank you Reggie. (flips on tv)

???: And look at Reggie go! He's running and running..TOUCHDOWN!!

Reggie: How'd I do mommy?

Reggie's mom: You did good honey!

Reggie: You think I will be a football player one day?

Reggie's mom: Yupp, and you can support us with all your money huh?

Harper: What the f***??? REGGIE! YOU JIPPED ME!!!

(Scene end)

This FanPost was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

Comment 5 comments  |  4 recs  | 

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Comments

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lol!!! good work man, rec'd

"You can't be king of the world, if you're a slave to the grind."

by Dan Kelly on Dec 23, 2010 7:30 PM CST reply actions  

also

GREAT JOB JonBanks!!!

I GOT YOU A PRESENT – IT’S A BLITZ PACKAGE!!!! LOL

It's gonna be a great year.

by Hans Petersen on Dec 23, 2010 8:09 PM CST up reply actions  

I couldn't think of one for Usama.

And I know he hadn’t been in a game in over a month. So it was the only thing I could think of.

Week 16 matchup: Falcons
Week 16 motto: BLACK PANTS MUST BE BURNED!!
Have a Merry Christmas

by Jon Banks on Dec 23, 2010 8:14 PM CST up reply actions  

works for me

maybe he and P-Rob have been carpooling to work

It's gonna be a great year.

by Hans Petersen on Dec 23, 2010 8:26 PM CST up reply actions  

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