(Scene begins: Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, Jeremy Shockey, Roman Harper, Usama Young, Darren Sharper, and Tracy Porter are all back at Reggie's house for a Christmas gathering. Bush is entertaining the guests)
Bush: So after I got out of the building with the trophy, I brought it back here and placed it in the Foyer as you saw last time you guys were here.
Thomas: (yawn) Real interesting stuff there Reg. How about we watch some tv?
Bush: NO TV!
(group looks at Reggie)
Bush: Tv is..just bad. Don't watch it.
Harper: Aww, was our Reggie watching another one of his tapes?
Harper: Look, it's better for us all to find out and let me watch later or I will give you hell about it forever.
Bush: I could give it to you, and I know you wouldn't run away with it since you aren't even quick enough to outrun Bradford.
Harper: (flustered) Look man, just give me the damn tape.
Bush: Fine, here you go. (hands Harper the tape)
Harper: Heh, Merry Khristmas to me.
Sharper: So anyway, when do we eat? I'm starving.
Bush: He should be back with the food soon. We can just wait until then.
Porter: I brought some gumbo if anyone wants some.
Shockey: I WANT PIZZA!
Bush: Hold on, hes bringing it back.
Young: Can't we just pick up a woman and eat her? Reggie ate that girl and she liked it.
Shockey: Heh, I like his plan.
Sharper: Don't encourage him. Usama, what'd I tell you? You killed that joke, now stop it.
Young: I don't even know what I did.
(knock on the door, Bush goes to open it, Malcolm Jenkins walks in with the pizza)
Jenkins: Alright I got 3 pepperoni, 2 supreme, the 2 meat lovers for Shockey, and the Cheese pizza for Usama.
Shockey: Awesome, my meat is hot!
Harper: That wouldn't be what she said, maybe that's what he said?
(Shockey throws a chair in Harper's direction)
Shockey: What was that slow guy?
Harper: Uh, nothing.
Brees: Is it always like this?
Bush: All the time.
(10 - 15 minutes pass)
Bush: Damn, I'm stuffed.
Porter: That's not a new feeling for you, is it?
Bush: What you talking about Tracy?
Porter: Oh, nothing nothing. *Coughs* -4 yards *Coughs*.
Bush: Oh haha. Hilarious. Not my fault that..
Sharper: You can't run? Don't worry, Harper has that same problem.
Brees: So um, Baylen started running recently.
Shockey: Drew, keep your baby talk for the women.
Young: Hey, I wanted to know that. Does that make me a woman?
Sharper: Yeah it does, but Shockey come on. Don't be like that.
Bush: Would opening presents make you feel better?
Bush: Alright we just need to wait till...
(knock on the door, Bush goes and answers)
Payton: Alright, Alright I'm here. Let's do the presents.
Shockey: Shut up Usama.
Payton: Alright now Bush, you are first since it's your house. See what I got you.
Bush: Alright...let's see...it's a ...dog collar?!?!
Payton: (whispering to Bush) you can wear it (winks)
(Bush shudders and calmly cries to himself)
Payton: Alright Pierre, see what I got you. It's way over there, next to the knives, rat poison, and phone numbers of every NFL GM.
Thomas: (opens present) a doghouse?
Payton: I figured your current one was getting uncomfortable. So I got you a new dog house to stay in.
Thomas: Is this some metaphor for wanting me gone?
Bush: Alright Shockey, see what I got you.
Shockey: (opens present) ALRIGHT!! ROADHOUSE!!!
Brees: Didn't you get him that last year?
Shockey: I need new copies yearly. I end up eating them at year's end to gain the strength of Patrick Swayze.
Brees: Is it sad that I believe you?
(multiple knocks on door with sounds of "blitz" being made. Reggie opens the door)
Williams: HOW IS EVERYONE DOING?!
Everyone: Fine Gregg.
Williams: GREAT! I'VE BROUGHT PRESENTS FOR MY GUYS!!
Harper: Wow coach, what did you get us?
Williams: WELL, I GOT HARPER A TREADMILL. I GOT SHARPER A TAPE ON THE FALCONS. I GOT USAMA A TAPE ON "ATTENDANCE". I GOT PORTER SOME GUMBO. AND I BOUGHT MALCOLM A BOAT.
Sharper: WHAT!? Jenkins gets a boat?
Williams: YEAH, I LIKE THAT JENKINS GUY.
Jenkins: Wow coach! Thanks!
Payton: Alright, so Brees we all pitched in to get you your gift. Since you have been the heart and soul of this team for 5 years and the person who has been doing great this year. So we want you to have this.
Brees: Wow thanks guys! It's a...poster of myself??
Payton: Yeah, we figured primadonna QB like themselves so much you would want posters of yourself.
Brees: Umm What the F***? I am not a primadonna, and I do not want posters of myself.
Payton: So you arn't a primadonna?
Payton: But you don't like the gift.
Brees: (sigh) Whatever. Well I got gifts for two people. First off, I got one for Hartley.Where is he?
(Scene change: Hartley is in a basement in an Atlanta house tied up and in a chair)
Hartley: Where am I? What happened? I just remember...Oh my God. I'm in Atlanta. I have to get out of here before...
(In walks in Falcons fans)
Falcon fan: (noises)
Falcon fan: (noises)
Hartley: I don't understand.
Falcon fan leader: He wants to know why You are here.
Hartley: Look I got lost somewhere in Virginia and I have been trying to get back to...Houston. And Atlanta was inadvertently on the way
(Falcon leader looks into Hartley's eyes)
Leader: I see the adderall in your eyes. Now tell me where are you headed boy. (puts hand on shoulder of Hartley)
Hartley: Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
Leader: (snarls and removes hand) Where are you headed?
Hartley: New Orleans.
(groups erupts with anger)
Leader: (low pitch evil laugh) Then I have good news, they will come on Monday. You can...stay here till then.
Payton: Hartley isn't here right now, who's the other gift for.
Brees: It's for you Sean.
Payton: Wow, really?
Brees: Yupp, here you go. (hands Payton a package shaped a lot like gum)
Payton: Oh hahaha, I wonder what it is. (begins to open it)
(Brees starts to walk towards the door)
Payton: Almost got it now.
(Brees opens the front door quietly, then closes and heads to his car)
Payton: And it's...........(throws the package to the other side of the room)
(A car is heard driving off in the distance)
Bush: What's wrong coach?
Williams: WAS IT A BLITZ PACKAGE?
(Harper goes and picks the package up)
Sharper: What was it?
(Hours later: Harper is back at home)
Harper: Haha, now I get to watch the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Thank you Reggie. (flips on tv)
???: And look at Reggie go! He's running and running..TOUCHDOWN!!
Reggie: How'd I do mommy?
Reggie's mom: You did good honey!
Reggie: You think I will be a football player one day?
Reggie's mom: Yupp, and you can support us with all your money huh?
Harper: What the f***??? REGGIE! YOU JIPPED ME!!!