Canal Street Chronicles' Boldest Saints Fan: Grandmaster Wang

Today I've got a little surprise for all ye of much Canal Street Chronicles faith.

Last week I asked you to vote for the CSC member you thought was the boldest Saints fan. Well, the results are in and I can't say I'm surprised to see our winner is none other than the witty and outspoken Grandmaster Wang.

You should all know him as the mad genius behind the incredibly transcendental Saints blog, moosedenied. But how well do any of us really know him? I'd venture to say not very well at all.

So to help change that a bit, I present you today with a one-on-one interview with the man himself.  And just as everything else he's ever written, his answers to my questions are brilliantly drenched in his facetious brand of humor that will leave you wondering where the real Grandmaster begins and the legend that is Wang ends. You won't want to miss this. 

Make the jump to have your mind sufficiently blown. 

Dave Cariello:  What is your real name?

Grandmaster Wang:  Toussaint L'Overture Huangstein.

 

Dave:  How old are you?

GMW:  I'll be boldly turning 39 on Oct 22.

 

Dave:  Where do you currently live?

GMW:  My current whereabouts are classified. But for tax purposes, my primary residence is in suburban Raleigh, North Carolina. What do you do for a living?My official title is "Shi Tai Zu" or "Sōke" depending on where I happen to be at a given time. Sometimes people would say "Shigong" or "Sifu" or, more commonly here in the States, "Sensei." As for what I actually do, I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of detail. It's bold though. Suffice to say that there's nothing more gratifying than the look of pride on a mother's face when her little girl is presented with her CIA certification as a Human Weapon and her suitable-for-framing license to kill.

 

Dave:  Are you married? Children?

GMW:  Married to the job, brother. The responsibilities are way too bold to allow for any kind of domestic bliss. No children that I'm aware of so far, though I suppose the potential remains for as long as that storage facility in Svalbard remains funded and operational.

 

Dave:  Are you from New Orleans originally? What part?

GMW:  Yes and no, depending on how much of a stickler you wanna be about it. I prefer to say that I boldly hail from SELA, but I confess that I'll round up to "New Orleans" on occasion for the sake of convenience. Born at East Jefferson General. Raised in LaPlace. College at LSU. Bounced around Louisiana in my early 20s... Lake Chuck, Alexandria, etc.

 

Dave:  How long have you been a Saints fan? How did it come about?

GMW:  23 seconds of Yours Truly, circa 1975: http://www.moosedenied.com/23-seconds-of-yours-truly-c-1975/ Confession: When I was a kid, the fleur disturbed me. It was way too bold. I used to have nightmares and stuff. I thought it was some kind of monster or large insect or something, and it was gonna get me. Go figure, given that my favorite toy at the time was a wheeled, ride-on plastic crawfish. Freakin' kids, who can figure what kind of crazy stuff is going on in their little heads at any given time? Fortunately for me, I eventually got over it. For the most part. Anyway, my first memory of actual on the field Saints action is of all the adults boldly yelling "YOU SUCK, ARCHIE!!!!" during Sunday lunch at Sicily's Pizza in LaPlace. They had one of those front-projection tee vees (and access to the CBS affiliate in Baton Rouge, thereby avoiding the weekly blackouts.) And I'm all "Would you PLEASE shut the hell up and let me enjoy my freakin' spaghetti??? And pass the freakin' parmesan shaker while you're at it."

 

Dave:  What is your most memorable Saints moment OTHER than the winning of Super Bowl XLIV?

GMW:  All the really bold ones, mainly. Gleason's block, of course. Hakim drops the ball, of course. The goal line stand against Pittsburgh. Anthony Carter going all Clubber Lang on us. Flipper Anderson going all Ivan Drago on us. Rickey Jackson's car accident. The signing of Jeff Blake. Mike Lansford and his stupid bare foot. Every single preseason game against the Oilers. Ricky Williams Draft Day. Receiving a Saints wristwatch as a Christmas present "From: Bum Phillips." "No, really, your mother and I drove all the way out to Ormond Estates after Coach called and told us he had something JUST FOR YOU."

 

Dave:  Who is your favorite Saints player of all time?

GMW:  Tough question. How's this for bold? Steve Gleason was my favorite player before it was cool. Even before 9/25/06. I own a Saints Barry Word jersey. Other favorites include Dulymus, of course. When I was a kid I liked Kenny Duckett, Guido Merkens, Florian Kempf. Huge mancrush on Reggie Sutton for a while there. And of course, Mr. #1derful Paul Orndorff (though to be fair, that was pretty much exclusively for his post-Saints career.)

 

Dave:  Who is your favorite current Saints player?

GMW:  Definitely Morstead. It's not even close. He's just such a goofball. I can appreciate that. I love that he deigns to interact with us commonfolk on a daily basis, and in a peer-to-peer way, not an athlete-to-fan way. It also helps that he's ALWAYS doing something mindbogglingly bold when he steps onto the field.

 

Dave:  Who is your favorite Saints fan i.e. Whistle Monsta etc.?

GMW:  You mean among the costumey ones? It's a tie between Dilly & Berto, Chef Who Dat and SupaSaint.

 

Dave:  When did you start writing moosedenied?

GMW:  According to my archives, June 13, 2007. (Please don't look at my archives. They're embarrassing. And not at all bold.)

 

Dave:  Where did the moosedenied name come from?

GMW:  It's from a lyric in a song by one of the boldest damn bands of all time, They Might Be Giants. I was at a party one night (I get invited to a lot of parties, because I tend to refrain from incessantly telling everybody how much they suck, and the media sucks, and bloggers suck, and the Saints suck, and generally just pissing all over anything and everything at every opportunity) and TMBG was on the playlist. I was enjoying large amounts of GuinnessTM and BacardiTM, because they're both fine products... absolutely delicious, and an outstanding value too. I offer them my full endorsement. And I knew my pits were in great shape because of the Old Spice SwaggerTM I had applied to them earlier in the day. So, as you might expect, I was feeling particularly bold. Anyway, I start crowdsourcing. "Would it not be the boldest thing ever to register this domain name and start blogging about the Saints on it? And everybody would be furrowing their brow in a vain attempt to understand what the name 'moosedenied' has to do with the Saints??? It'll TOTALLY BLOW THEIR MINDS!" The reception was mixed at first. Then we all started smoking lots and lots of pot, and before you knew it, everybody finally "got it" and the high fives were flying all over the place. That was when I knew I was onto something.

 

Dave:  Are you paying hosting fees out of pocket for moosedenied?

GMW:  Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Fortunately for me, nobody reads my crappy blog. Nobody who's bold, anyway. So it's less than $100/yr. "Unlimited" storage and bandwidth (as long as you don't approach the strict, unadvertized limits, that is.) I paid in advance for 5 years, which got me a date with Danica Patrick. You wanna talk bold? Let me tell you, that girl can put down some GuinnessTM and BacardiTM. I do get solicited for ad placement fairly regularly. I turn most of them down, but I've accepted a couple in the past. I'm more inclined to accept offers from companies who are willing to OVERPAY(!!!) to a mindboggling degree, which are usually the online sportsbooks. I'm the Albert Haynesworth of Saints bloggers! Doesn't get a whole lot bolder than that, if I do say so myself.

 

Dave:  How long do you plan on blogging about the Saints?

GMW:  Until I'm dead or terminally bored, whichever comes first.

 

Dave:  Do you have a writing background?

GMW:  Confession: Once upon a time, I was a member of the Legitimate MediaTM. I've also done some freelance work writing ads, and I've sold some material to various standup comics. I was a wacky FM dee jay for a few years. And I've written at least three bizarre manifestos, none of which have been published (yet) because I'll be damned if I can ever finish the list of demands.

 

Dave:  Are you in love with Bea Arthur?

GMW:  Well, it's complicated. We dated briefly when I was in high school. My therapist seems to think that I'm finally over it, but I have to admit that I still have my moments. She said it was her and not me, but I can't shake the nagging feeling that it was mainly because I wasn't bold enough. But hey, she ended up with a real prick. High five!

 

Dave:  How long have you been reading CSC?

GMW:  No idea. I do know that I was aware of CSC back when the other guy used to run it. Sunil? Or something like that. There wasn't a whole lot of activity though back then, and it struck me more as an ad factory than anything. Which is a pet peeve of mine. Nothing worse than a "blog" where clearly the primary purpose for its very existence is to stick ads in your face and/or to sell you merchandise. Fortunately, you came along and changed all that, Mr. Dave. (You don't mind if I call you Mr. Dave, do ya? I promise it's not a passive-aggressive swipe at you for banning me repeatedly because I get off on being loathed by those I consider to be inferior to myself.)

 

Dave:  If you could make any one change to CSC, what would it be?

GMW:  Well, it could be bolder, I guess. I'm a big fan of gratuitous profanity. It helps me to hide my own relative lack of boldness. Oh and more chicks who flirt relentlessly. Message board boners are far and away the most underrated kind of boners. Especially when you can't manage to maintain a Saints boner because somebody invited That Guy to the party, the guy who goes around c**kblocking everybody just for the hell of it.

 

Dave:  Are you surprised you were chosen for this honor? Why do you think you were chosen?

GMW:  Oh, big time. And it is an honor, by the way. It truly does warm my cockles that, despite my appalling relative lack of participation here at CSC, there's a handful of folks here who manage to divine something resembling enjoyment from my crappy blog. Who saw that coming? I'd like to thank GuinnessTM and BacardiTM and Old SpiceTM. I've always wanted to win an award for my Saints-themed internet content. Thanks to HansDat, Jon Banks, Breesus Christ Superstar and everybody else who sees fit to keep moosedenied linked up over here. Seriously, much appreciated. I could do it myself, but self-promotion makes me feel icky. I'd also like to thank everyone who took this thing so seriously, and were so shocked and dismayed by my nomination and subsequent election. Hey, I'm right there with ya. I didn't vote, but if I had, I'd have gone with that dude who harrasses small-time local sportswriters over stupid little percieved semantic slights against the Saints (who SUCK!) Personally, I think that guy epitomizes the bold spirit of this particular contest. But it does my heart good that most of you don't. High five!    

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