We have all heard of the numerous good deeds that some of the New Orleans Saints players are involved with in and around the city and the greater Gulf Coast area. Drew Brees has the "Brees Foundation," Heath Evans created the "Heath Evans Foundation," and Deuce McAllister continues with his "Catch 22 Foundation." Not receiving much deserved publicity is an area of interest and personal obsession of our own Jeremy Shockey.
The Shockmeister's "Breast Augmentation Awareness Foundation" is just another sample of our teams continued efforts to benefit the greater NOLA area.
Jeremy has been devoting much of his well-earned down time gathering data on this well known, but little understood, condition that has become more and more prevalent in the younger female demographic of our nation. To his credit, and a testament to his humility, Mr. Shockey has not sought accolades or any form of recognition from the general public. Instead, he has tirelessly continued his research, often well into the night, to gain a more thorough understanding of this medical phenomena. As Mr. Shockey says, "I have known about this for some time but couldn't really put my finger on it. Since recently winning a Super Bowl, I'm now getting a firm grasp. I'll just have to continue to weigh the facts and look for the fallout. This is serious and I'm willing to bury my nose in it." Well said, Jeremy. You have the research perseverance of Edison himself.
(Jeremy with two subjects in the early stages of development.)
In the beginning, and not knowing where his studies would lead him, Jeremy had to do a lot of fact gathering on his own in areas where the manifestations of mammary enhancement would likely be more prevalent. Since the French Quarter offered a myriad of study cases, often condensed into convenient study cells, or "clinics" if you will, Jeremy soon became totally immersed in his project. Often seen with subjects showing the more obvious signs of this boobular malady, Jeremy gathered facts and figures. During one evening of interviews concerning the various stages of development he said, "I've really enjoyed being exposed to this type of research. I had no idea this weighs so heavily on the ladies." As for the study cases themselves, "I really enjoy Mr. Shockey giving me a hand." and "He really gives me a lift." were common remarks. Obviously, his good deeds are having a positive effect on the afflicted.
(Sources of positive feedback.)
One subject (we'll call her Bambi) was extremely impressed with Jeremy's project. "We'd just talk for a while to see what comes up. His focus is amazing. He's riveted on the topic and does not flip flop in his interest. He's willing to tackle both sides of the subject."
("Bambi" approves and wants to be a Shockey supporter.)
Jeremy wanted to point out that, "Some forms of this phenomenon are a manefestation of normal life in and around New Orleans. It can be brought on by excessive exposure to Hubig's Pies, beignets, and multiple Lucky Dogs, as well as regularly having a muffaletta for breakfast. These are not cases in which I am interested."
(A case in which he shows no interest.)
When asked where he thought his "BAAF" would lead, Mr. Shockey commented, "Well, I've run out of room for doing research in my apartment. I guess I'll have to get a bigger place. You know, a place where things have room to grow."
Well, Jeremy, you have the support of the citizenry of New Orleans. It's high time you were commended for your tireless efforts in this area of concern. I think many of us would be interested in seeing the results of your foundation. Keep up the good work. You make us proud!
Author's Note: Instead of the usual ribbons that are distributed to publicize a particular project or cause, the "Breast Augmentation Awareness Foundation" will be handing out tassels in a variety of colors.
Further, this article is in no way factual. All quotes and inferences are the product of multiple glasses of Merlot wine. It has been done to kill another couple of hours before we find out that the NFL is dead. Who Dat!