In a surprising move, the New Orleans Saints announced this morning that they've hired Beth Payton, wife of head coach Sean Payton, as a coaching assistant for the team.
Greg Bensel broke the news early this morning via his Twitter account...
Saints hired Sean Payton's wife Beth as assistant #whipped
During a press conference with Mickey Loomis today, the general manager was bombarded with questions about the move.
"We [Saints front office] found out about Sean's intentions to move to Dallas when you guys did. He had never mentioned it to us...but it confirmed what we had been thinking for quite a while: that Beth really calls the shots. Probably has been for a while."
So the Saints have decided to stop wasting time with just a fraction of what the Payton household has to offer and get right to it's core. Loomis explains, "Behind every great man is a great woman. Why keep messing around with Sean when it's obviously Beth we want?"
Indeed she has been at the center of many great Saints-related decisions. In her first meeting with local media today as a Saints coaching assistant, Mrs. Payton was noticeably excited about her new job but maintained a familiar edge of cockiness as she revealed some previously unknown truths, "It was me who convinced Sean to take the job here in New Orleans back in 2006. It was me who believed Drew's shoulder would be fine. And it was me who convinced Sean to give up part of his salary to help acquire Gregg Williams," said the more verbose Payton.
"Investing in film tax credits with Kevin Houser? You know who was behind that one."
When asked about the opportunity to work with his wife, coach Payton grimaced while grinding his Juicy Fruit intensely, "I'm looking forward to game planning with her on those 90-minute plane rides to New Orleans."
The Saints general manager elaborated, "Beth will have many responsibilities within the organization. Too many to really elaborate. We're still feeling that out.
"But don't let her 'assistant' title fool you. There's a new sheriff in town," said Loomis.
There are unconfirmed rumors that Beth Payton's first move as coaching assistant is to take over play calling duties from her husband.
More on this story as is becomes available.
**This is not a real story. Just another satirical gem.**