Saints Fire Sean Payton, Drew Brees to Take Over as Head Coach

Things went very smoothly during the Saints player-organized practices on Tulane's campus earlier this week. A little too smooth as far as Sean Payton is concerned. 

In a monumental move that is sure to rock the NFL world, the Saints have announced that they have fired the head coach of five years and will replace him by none other than starting quarterback Drew Brees.

Brees, who has gotten a lot of positive press this week for organizing the practices and for coming out of pocket to fund the Tulane staff, fly in personal trainers and insure young players, showed so much leadership and initiative this week that team officials wasted no time making their decision. 

The announcement of the shocking move came from Saints VP of Communication Greg Bensel early this morning via his Twitter account:

 The Saints have terminated the contract of Sean Payton. #WINNING

New Orleans Saints team owner Tom Benson had little to say about the arrangement but explained his reasoning behind the risky move.

"I barely know what's going on around here but my accountant told me I could save save a ton of money by combining the two positions of coach and quarterback." Benson elaborated, "Times are tough with the lockout so it seemed like the best thing to do."

Saints GM Mickey Loomis was visibly emotional during a late-morning press conference with the local media. 

"A decision like this is never easy. Sean and I have been friends since he arrived but this is a business and we've got to continue to do what's best for the organization."

When asked how Payton took the news of his firing, Loomis said only, "Sean already has a job lined up with the Dallas Cowboys that's been waiting for him for quite some time."

So far there doesn't seem to be any sign of discontent or unrest within the organization relating to the move. In fact, players seem to be in full support of their new head coach and backing the move whole-heartedly.

"This is Drew's baby," Saints offensive tackle Jon Stinchcomb said after one of the practices this week. "When you have a leader like that on your team, it makes it easy for guys to rally around and understand what's available to us.

"Plus, Sean was kind of a [edited for content]," concluded Stinchcomb.

Sean Payton could not be reached for comment but his publicist released a short statement on his behalf:

"It's been fun New Orleans."

 

**This is not a real story, just another satirical gem. Sean Payton is still the coach of the Saints. Though some of the quotes used are real, they are completely out of context.**

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