The Lockout: Catching Up

(Scene: Jonathan Vilma, Malcolm Jenkins, Reggie Bush, Jahri Evans, Usama Young, Martez Wilson, and Jonathan Casillias are all at Vilma's house. All players just finished a workout and are ready to relax.)

Jenkins: That's what she said.

Vilma: Man if I had the energy to get up, I'd slap you in the back of the head. Acting like a rookie would. Uh, no offense Martez.

Wilson: None taken. Just glad to be here with you guys.

Casillias: You got that right. They didn't let me in till last year. You got in before you played a down, consider yourself lucky.

Young: Wait, what does that's what she said mean again? Harper told me it's when my mom dropped me on my head, but that doesn't make sense.

(Vilma and Jenkins stare at Young. Look down and sigh and shake their heads.)

Evans: So thanks for letting me and Reggie come over after the workout. Brees has been very busy so he doesn't usually invite us all back to his house- which he says is a pigsty. He's probably just wanting some time to himself though.

(Scene adjust: Brees House)

D.Brees: BRITTANY, HE'S HANGING FROM THE CHANDLIER!!

B.Brees: Jesus Drew, I told you to watch him.

D.Brees: I did! I don't know how he did it! I swear he mu- WHY IS THERE A LION IN T- WHY IS BOWEN RIDING IT!?!?!?

B.Brees: Looks like Bowen got into the wardrobe again.

D.Brees: WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR WARDROBE?!?!

B.Brees:....Nothing.

(Drew drops to the couch and puts his hands over his face)

D.Brees: (mumbling) I can't wait for the lockout to be over.

(Scene re-adjust)

Vilma: Eh, he's a busy guy. He deserves some time to himself.

Evans: Yeah.

(knock on the door)

Vilma: Let me get that.

(Vilma gets up to answer the door)

Wilson: So what do you guys normally do for fun during the season?

Jenkins: Well last season, we were pretty busy for film study with coaches and practicing that we only had some real free time was the bye week.

Wilson: What did you guys do then?

Bush: I hosted a little party to watch the Falcons-Ravens game.

Wilson: What ended up happening?

(Group looks around awkwardly)

Jenkins: Uh, nothing much. Just watched the game and went home.

Young: Coach Payton beat the crap out of Hartley, and Reggie had this tape that he didn't want us to see and-

Jenkins: USAMA! I'll give you $5 to shut up.

Young: Ok.

Jenkins: I'll give it to you later IF, you're a good boy.

(Young pouts but eventually agrees)

Vilma: Guess who's here?

via i.usatoday.net

Ellis: Hey guys! How's it going?

All: Hey!

Jenkins: It's going big man.

Vilma: So how you feeling after the workout?

Ellis: Exhausted. I don't think I can do that again for at least another week.

Evans: All you did was some jumping jacks.

Ellis: Yeah well...they were some very intensive jumping jacks, ok?

Vilma: Alright you two knock it off. So what brings you by today Sed?

Ellis: After I got home and changed, I realized I had no plans tonight, so I wanted to come see what you guys were doing.

Jenkins:....So we're your backup plan?

Ellis: Yeah well...you're a damn good backup plan!

(Frantic knocking at the door)

Vilma: That's strange. Let me see who it is.

(Vilma looks through peephole, upon which he is taken aback. He unlocks the door and the man busts through the door.)

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Ingram: Guys! You have to let me crash here. PLEASE!

Vilma: What's wrong?

Ingram: They keep following me. One in particular. I think they're stalkers

Jenkins: What? You're crazy man.

Ingram: No I swear! They keep going on about this mania they have, and the only thing that will cure it is more Ingram!

Ellis: So basically, they ripped off the cowbell thing from SNL?

Ingram: I guess, I don't know. All I care about is that they won't stop follo- Oh God, I hear them!

via assets.sbnation.com

???: I can't wait for you to be on the field!

???2: You're finally going to be the running back we've been looking for!

???3: You're going to finally help the Saints win the TOP war and help the Saints run a balanced offense consisting of at least a 1.25:1 Pass-Run Ratio!

Ingram: I've got to go, I have to go somewhere where they won't find me.

Wilson: Good luck.

(Ingram runs out the back door. His followers in pursuit screaming about their love of his in between the trucks style of running.)

Bush: Hmph.

Evans: Really Reggie? You're still jealous of Payton's new play thing?

Bush: Why wouldn't I be? He's obviously trying to replace me.

Jenkins: You do realize that he runs like Pierre and nothing like you right? If anything, Pierre should be the one worried as hell.

Evans: Where is Pierre? I haven't seen him in forever.

(Scene adjust: Sean Payton's backyard)

Thomas: You know, this doghouse is kind of comfortable. Plus, Sean was nice enough to put cable in so I can watch TV! Let's see what's on ESPN.

TV: And in Saints related news: There is word leaking from the Patriots front office that Sean Payton tried to offer Pierre Thomas in order to keep the Saints 1st round pick. The Patriots had to remind Payton that the lockout forbid it and players were not allowed to be traded. To which Payton responded: "Well how am I going to pay for Mark Ingram now?"

Thomas: Oh god******. Not this **** again.

(Scene re-adjust)

Vilma: He's probably busy working out on his own.

(Bush's cell phone vibrates, he looks at his phone)

Bush: Well guys, this was fun, but I'm tired. Today wore me out. I'll see you guys later.

(Bush gets in his car and heads downtown. He parks in a parking garage and heads to a park and sits on a bench by a tree and roses, like the instructions said. A figure walks by, turns around and "falls down". Then sits on the bench.)

Bush: Why did you want to meet? You know it's dangerous, especially with all the investigations and people wondering what we did.

???: I had to come see you, it's...important.

Bush: What was so damn important, you risked your job, a prison sentence, your family for?

???: I had to come see...you.

Bush: Dammit, if we're going to talk about this- I at least want to see your face.

(Bush pulls hood down)

via louisianasportstalk.com

Payton: I'm sorry.

Bush: Sorry? Sorry won't cut it. You sold me out, hung me out to dry like some damn laundry. I thought I meant something to you.

Payton: You do Reg.

Bush: Don't call me Reg.

Payton: Please, you have to understand. I had to draft Ingram, do you realize the things I can do with him? I can have multi-back sets, I can create so many new packages, new ways to scare defenses, and have a fully revitalized running game to boot!

Bush: But you said the same things about me! You replaced me! And you did it with another first round running back!!

Payton: But you'll always be my first round running back.

(Bush begins tearing up)

Bush: I have to go. Before we both get caught.

(Reggie turns to leave and begins heading towards his car)

Payton: Reg, I meant every word I said...after the Seahawks game. I still do.

(Bush stops, then continues going)

(Payton stares at Reggie as he leaves then *allegedly* pops a vicodin and juicy fruit pill)

Scene End.