R.I.P. BewareofDog (Again?)

by BewareofDog on Sep 20, 2011 10:32 AM CDT

Earlier this morning, the highly charismatic and controversial member of CSC known as "Dog", was killed in what can only be described (once again) as a highly unusual but extremely violent and subsequently quite messy incident in his home when he clicked on a link to Pro Football Talk (an action by itself that deserves a death sentence for stupidity) to view their Power Rankings.

Sources have confirmed that BewareofDog died when his head exploded after reading that Mike Florio, known to CSC members as "jerk", "douche", "hack" and "Satan's Evil Bastard Spawn", had placed the New Orleans Saints at #2 in his rankings behind the Green Bay Packers and AHEAD of the New England Patriots.

This is eerily reminiscent of a similar incident which occurred after BewareofDog witnessed Scott Shanle making a tackle BEHIND THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE on a play in which he stopped the ball carrier for a 2 yard loss during a game between the Saints and Packers in week 1.

It was reported at the time of the "Shanle Incident" that BewareofDog had died but it turned out that he actually survived by some miraculous circumstance due to his consumption of an unknown purple substance.

To make the whole matter even more bizarre, the unknown substance was delivered to his hospital room by a mysterious figure with pig tails and freckles who reportedly yelled, "I'm only keeping you alive until you pay what you owe. Why don't your ass try getting used baseballs every year as a Christmas present?" (Don't try to figure it out...inside joke)

Currently, we have not been able to confirm reports that this incident is in any way related to a series of explosions which also occurred in the Boston, New Orleans, Cincinnati, Dallas, and Wichita areas at various times throughout this morning.

This FanPost was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

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Comments

HA! You dirty Dog. Now you owe me a new computer screen too. ALL I WANTED WAS A FOOTBALL. I always had to play with the other kids balls. (TWYMS)© before she went to prison.

This comment was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

by cscmember on Sep 20, 2011 10:52 AM CDT reply actions

(Sigh)......okay, okay

The football is on its way.

I've got two words for ya.....Whit Bissell

by BewareofDog on Sep 20, 2011 11:57 AM CDT up reply actions

Are you going to get in trouble for hanging around so much? I would take it easy on the explosion jokes. I was contacted about my Wu Tang(WTC) comments. They aren’t nice people. I hope you read this soon because I will flag it for spam.

This comment was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

by cscmember on Sep 20, 2011 12:10 PM CDT up reply actions

Are you going to get in trouble for hanging around so much?

Nah, I’m good. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the slower days of the week. Plus, it really doesn’t start to get cranking for me until after week 4 when teams have a history to track for this season.

But, things have been unusually slow in the early part of this season anyway. With this economy, even low-life, degenerates (who always have access to funds) are claiming to be broke.

I've got two words for ya.....Whit Bissell

by BewareofDog on Sep 20, 2011 12:30 PM CDT up reply actions

With this economy, even low-life, degenerates (who always have access to funds) are claiming to be broke.

I guess strippers and prostitutes have raised their prices. They have college to pay for, ya know.

This comment was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

by cscmember on Sep 20, 2011 12:40 PM CDT up reply actions

Whoa there, cowboy. Lay off the working girls.

If it weren’t for those angels, 90% of the 21st century panty-waists who populate the internet wouldn’t get anywhere near a live female. Not to mention half of the “regular” guys who can actually get a date, and a very large percentage of the married folks (husbands and wives).

And on that note, I will have to bid you adieu, Sprink.

I've got two words for ya.....Whit Bissell

by BewareofDog on Sep 20, 2011 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions

Thanks for stopping by.

This comment was written by a reader and member of Canal Street Chronicles. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CSC and its staff or editors.

by cscmember on Sep 20, 2011 1:07 PM CDT up reply actions

Well to be fair, MF actually had us at #2 last week as well. He even had us there in the preseason rankings as well. The only reason we’re still at #2 is because he didn’t want to dock us for losing to the Packers. And I think that’s reasonable, the Packers are still a very, very good team and we figured things out enough in the second half to at least make a game of it.

Still, yeah, he actually said something nice about us in the power rankings, and something nice about us in the “five things I liked about week 2” video segment (see my fanshot about him saying something nice), and everything else. Anybody want to posit alien abduction theories or anything for his sudden outbreak of actually being fairly nice towards us?

by FriarBob on Sep 20, 2011 11:06 AM CDT reply actions

Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about him having grown a brain. Just look at some of the rest of his rankings. #7 for the Lions? #6 for the FoulClowns while admitting that Vick being injured “helped” (you think?)… #13 for the Eagles? They aren’t THAT bad, or if they are, it’s sure not proven yet. #11 for the Bills? Not until they beat a quality opponent. The Chiefs and a cross-country-jet-lagged Raiders team do NOT count.

Of course, he also had some good ones. Some were pretty accurate, some were just funny, and some were both. I especially liked these four:

16. Redskins (No. 20; 2-0): The Kyle Shanahan Sideline Joystick Offense is working well, so far.

28. Vikings (No. 24; 0-2): After halftime, the team’s "Cover 2" defense becomes "Cover Nobody."

30. Colts (No. 29; 0-2): Maybe the Colts will need Peyton Manning to return not to compete for the playoffs, but to avoid matching the 2008 Lions.

32. Chiefs (No. 32; 0-2): The ACC would reject their application for membership.

I’ll quibble a bit on the Skins being 16 until I see THEM beat a quality opponent as well. But the crack about the joystick was amusing.

by FriarBob on Sep 20, 2011 11:13 AM CDT up reply actions

Yea but the crack about vikes cover 2 becoming cover none was better

by mississippisaintsfan on Sep 21, 2011 1:19 PM CDT up reply actions

Well to be fair, MF actually had us at #2 last week as well. He even had us there in the preseason rankings as well.

Yeah, I know how he’s been ranking us. I’m just picking on Florio, that’s all. He doesn’t deserve to be treated fair. The guy does have his rare moments of lucidity buried underneath miles and miles of hackery. MtnExile pointed that out in this post.

His reason for maintaining the Saints #2 ranking over the Pats is solid and displays a depth that I didn’t think he possessed. The Saints lost to the “perceived” best team in football on a last second goal line stand. Although with that defense giving up back-to-back 400 yard passing days, it’s eventually going to bite them in the arse. But, they are the defending champs who have not lost yet, so I have no problem with that current perception. Then, the next week they destroy the Packers top rival in the division. (Don’t say that in Detroit)

So, although the Saints are 1-1, they have played two good teams while the Patriots have played a gimme in the Dolphins and a good team in the Chargers to go 2-0.

I've got two words for ya.....Whit Bissell

by BewareofDog on Sep 20, 2011 11:55 AM CDT up reply actions