And at least 16 of them are outright delusional.
On to the mailbag!
Juan Semana, San Diego, CA:
"DURR SOY UN AFICIONADO DE LOS CHARGERS LAS PLAYAS LAS PLAYAS EL TACO LAS PLAYAS!"
Ha! And they said that Spanish minor would be useless. Sorry, that’s basically all I know about San Diego: there’s beaches, and probably really great Mexican food, and a zoo. And they have Sea World, so there’s that. Hey, orcas are pretty damn cool. And San Diego is German for "whale’s vagina".
Ok, ok, I don’t have anything against San Diego. I’m just still bitter because San Diego was our road trip this year, and the whiny-ass Patriots took it from us with their crying over west coast trips. Screw them.
Jonathan Woodson, Los Angeles, CA:
"Dude, is Payton going to be at the Dome Sunday or what? I can’t figure it out. I’ll be there and I was hoping to get in some bounty jokes when they show him on that big TV thing. I heard Saints fans love that."
A Chargers fan in Los Angeles? Another NFL Hipster right here. Yeah, dick, we love a good bounty joke. You should do that. All of you. We’re 0-4 without our coach and the only reason other than the Brees record for showing up Sunday is to get a glimpse of the man whose mythos grows with every loss. So make some jokes, that will go over wonderfully.
As for whether he’ll be there, everyone seems pretty sure about it.
I mean, it’s clear that he’s been approved to attend, although the league apparently hemmed and hawed about it like the a-holes that they are. But they came through, and even reputable sources say that he’ll be allowed to attend. Nobody knows where he might be allowed to sit, and the only people from whom we’d seen reports that Payton would actually be there (as of Thursday evening) were Jennifer Hale and Kristian Garic.
But late Thursday night, Adam Schefter confirmed it for us.
A rare win for Hale and Garic. Yay local media!
The longest response of the week 5 mailbag concerns the possible presence of a spectator. Ladies and gentlemen, the 2012 Saints.
Terry Varney, Lemon Grove, CA:
"Remember that Saints-Chargers game in 2004 in San Diego –"
"Yeah, you do, because that was when Aaron –"
"Brooks threw that –"
Patrice Sanchez, Coronado, CA:
"LOL, I bet all you talk about this week is Sean Payton and Drew Brees’s record because you don’t want to think about what Philip Rivers is going to do to your defense when he has about 10 seconds to pass on every play."
Is there a question here?
What a douchebag. He’s right, though. Let’s talk about the game for a minute. Drew Brees might be a superhuman quarterback the likes of which we haven’t seen since Johnny Unitas, but even he can’t keep up with a half-decent quarterback who has zero pressure to throw for four quarters.
It’s easy to be mindlessly positive, but around here we believe in including at least a pinch of logic in our homerism recipe, and it’s tough to find a reason that this defensive line will turn it around all of a sudden.
Oh, wait. Hold on just a damn second. Sean Payton’s in the house tomorrow night. His presence will be felt in the stands and on the field. That’s logical! Intangibles! Motivation! Momentum! Do Your Job! Other clichés!
Let Philip make one mistake, Patrice. Just one. Hand the momentum over to the home team. Let them get on a little run, and the defense doesn’t matter. Because the defense hasn’t mattered for 3 years now. All we need from Spags is good enough.
I don’t know if the Saints can win Sunday. Sorry, folks, I’m just not sure. But if they do – if they can just gain a little momentum – they’ll build your hopes up way higher than you thought possible before they bring you back down to Earth with a thud. If there’s a possible turning point, a time when this team’s Super Bowl
delusion aspirations can still look real for a while, Sunday night on national TV with the Brees record on the line and Payton in the house is the place for it. Oh, man, I can’t wait.
I hope Brees breaks that record on a throw to Darren Sproles, just for Patrice. And then gives a game ball to A.J. Smith. Because nanny-nanny-boo-boo, losers.
(Sidebar: could an NFL quarterback be any more boring and lame than Philip Rivers? Good grief. That blog post was like reading elevator music through bifocals.)
Desean P. Aiten, Inyohouse, MF:
"Boom! Going to my first game in 2012 Sunday, bros! Folks, you better be doin’ your jobs, my boy Brees is gonna break that record, and maybe one day you’ll have your awesome world-savin’ coach back on the field with his mit hose so you can watch some actual wins, amirite?"
The word was mythos, Desean. And I don’t think that’s a real city.
"Ha, can’t get anything past you, Angry Guy! You think I can get on the fit cam Sunday? Check out these guns, man!"
I, um, enjoy the game, friend. And the rest of the year.
Dick Charger, Succit, CA:
"Remember when we went to the Super Bowl, and basically everyone but 49er fans were rooting for us because we were playing the 49ers, and Steve Young used us as a stepping stone out of Joe Montana’s shadow by beating us by like 100 points in front of the entire world?"
Ok, yeah, that was a cheap shot. Sue me. I had two classmates with 49ers Starter jackets. You know, the big puffy cool kind, and the rest of that school year was pure misery.
Bobby Lloyd, Amaretto, CA:
"Are Saints fans looking forward to seeing Meachem in the Dome again?"
Looking forward to it? Hell no. Booo! Boooo!
Seriously, it’s fitting that with the record breaking pass ostensibly coming against his old team, it’ll happen with Meachem in attendance also. During Drew Brees’s streak, he’s thrown the most touchdown passes to two players: Jimmy Graham and Robert Meachem (32 each). Considering that the Meacharound doesn’t count as a touchdown pass, I’d say Meachem has the advantage there. So he’s a big part of the streak.
He was a pretty serious weapon in New Orleans, even if nobody could spell his name right or give him the credit he deserved. Credit to @WhoDat205 for this stat: in his first two seasons he averaged less than 5 catches per touchdown. Now that’s a deep threat.
Rafael Rodriguez, Tijuana, Mexico:
"Por cuatro semanas usted predecía que los Santos ganen. Fue erróneo todos los semanas. Por favor, ¿predecía una victoria esta semana?"
¡Lo siento, amigo! Yo no quiero hacer esta, pero tener que hacerlo.
Los aficionados de los Santos, ustedes van a estar muy nervosos. Drew Brees estableció el récord, pero será en la segunda mitad. Sí, lo dije. Pero los Santos perderán, 35-28. Yo no confio en el equipo de Spagnuolo.
Por favor, me demostrarían que yo esté erróneo otra vez. Cabrónes. #Smc
Jake Farsouth, New Orleans, LA:
"Since this has been easily the most negative Q&A you’ve written, except maybe that stuff in Spanish or whatever that was, can you at least close it out on a positive note?"
Ok, you win. How about this?
Drew Brees has played in two Saints vs. Chargers games (2004 in San Diego, 2008 at "home" in Wembley Stadium). His combined stats for the two games: 52 completions on 77 attempts (68%), 596 yards, 7 touchdowns, and no interceptions. That’s a combined passer rating of 120.9. His offenses scored 80 points in those two games, and he won both games. History points to a big win.
So enjoy the game.