I’ve been reading a number of CSC Fan comments lately with a lot of ridicule for our players and coaches for their poor record and poor play. Time to face the music—the Saints didn’t whup the Saints, the teams we played whupped the Saints. I think the criticism of the Saints Players and coaches, and complements for the other team (barf) are completely misplaced. It’s time to hate the other team (at least for 4 hours on Sunday) and the delusional barbarians that support them. So to give some red meat to the Saints fans to help get their game faces on, I am providing six reasons to hate the Atlanta Falcons. Feel free to add your own in the comments section. If you don’t know any good reasons, make ‘em up! I sure did. If you are a thin-skinned goober, then stay home with your toy cars in Hazard County.
Reason #1: Atlanta Quarterbacks. We get to hate Michael Vick two weeks in a row. I am sick of Atlanta Quarterbacks from the dog humper leaving skid marks on the Dome Astroturf while being chased by the Saints defense, to the current quarterback that nobody wants to tackle because of the skid marks up his backside.
Reason #2: Michael Turner. I can’t believe you guys stole him from the San Diego Chargers. Leave our farm team the f*** alone! You want a running back? Go steal one from Dallas or somebody else we really hate.
Reason #3: You killed Duane Allman! You bastards! Reason #3A: You killed Berry Oakley! You bastards! (actually, you killed them in Macon, but that’s like just a suburb to Atlanta. I think it happened on Peachtree Street. Or I just made that up) You all deserve to be tied up to the Whipping Post!
Reason #4: Chief Exports. Atllanta’s (well, Georgia’s, since it’s all one big suburb) chief exports are goobers and Goobers. Goobers induce anaphylactic shock in a large portion of the populace that are allergic to peanuts, while Goobers induce mental retardation in anyone with an IQ over 12.
Reason #5: Georgia is the biggest tax whore in the country. First you gave away your Atlantic beaches to South Carolina. Then you gave your Gulf Coast beaches to Florida. Finally you gave the Great Smokey Mountains and the Appalachia Mountains to Tennessee and North Carolina. All this did was leave a boring s***hole that real estate agents couldn’t do anything with, so you offered that land tax-free to any company that would move there and overtax the local infrastructure. Just what a bottom-five state needs. At least you kept the Okefenokee swamp and the Pogo that used to dwell therein.
Reason #6: Crappy Highway. I drove from Pascagoula to New York a number of times in the 1970’s, and always hated driving that stretch of road from the state line (from Montgomery) to Atlanta. I checked the map yesterday, and lo and behold that crappy speed trap is still there. Really? Even Mississippi finally completed I-10 through the swamps north of the coast, and you still have that crappy 2-lane road there? I got news for you—confusing all the tourists won’t keep Sherman from burning that eyesore down again.
I got more, but I got to save some for the next game in a few weeks. In the meantime, please help me generate some more reasons to hate Georgia, Atlanta, and the Fowlclowns. Again, truthiness is not necessary—feel free to make them up!