The Canal Street Chronicles Academy of Arts and Sciences Presents: The 2012 Chronic Awards

As I have shown over numerous posts and comments during my tenure here at CSC, I love movies, all kinds of movies. Funny movies, serious movies, scary movies, sci-fi/fantasy movies, documentary movies, cheapo cheesy disaster movies, you name it (well, at least films of the types I listed), and I like it.

Since the Oscars (the Big Kahuna prizes of the film industry) are being handed out tonight, I thought it fitting to announce our own set of prizes for certain members of the 2011 New Orleans Saints Community, who have turned in noteworthy performances in the past year, both on and off the football field.

They are called The Chronics, and are small golden statues cast in the image of Gumbo, the beloved Saints steroid-emboldened, anthropomorphized mascot. See image at left.

Make the jump to see the list of winners - serious, stupid, funny, not funny, and to add your own honorees to the 2012 Chronic Honor Roll in the comment section...

Let's also use this as an open thread for any CSCers who might also be watching the Oscars tonight and want to have a little banter with each other...

First up is a category you may not have expected to ever see, Best Performance by a Human Limb in a Horror Scene. We had a number of worthy nominees this year, but The Chronic goes to....(tears open envelope)

Sean Payton's leg!!

Yes folks, that poor limb that got crushed and mangled into so much useless pulp on a sideline tackle of Jimmy Graham early in the game at Tampa Bay on October 16 is the winner! This is one serious appendage here, people, and look for it to be in strong contention next year for Comeback Limb of the Year.

This horrific memory leads us perfectly into the next category, Best Performance by a Backup Thrust Into A Starter's Role, which had co-winners this year...

Pete Carmichael, Jr., and Brian de la Puente

Carmichael took over the play-calling duties during Sean Payton's recovery from the knee injury and beyond, and kept things humming along pretty well, well except against the Buccaneers in the rest of that ill-fated game in October, and that train wreck of a contest in St. Louis on Halloween weekend, as the Saints went on to notch the most successful, record-setting offensive season in team history.

De la Puente stepped in when Olin Kreutz, who wasn't getting the job done at center, quit the team on October 21, after losing his passion for the game (i.e. seeing the writing on the wall that he was about to get benched). In another example of the Saints team excelling at ruling the "next man up" principle, DLP stepped in and took control of a crucial position on the Saints o-line, that of the one responsible for safely getting the ball into Drew Brees's magic hands on each offensive play.

Next up, we move to the musical portion of our award categories, and first present the Chronic for Best Musical Score to...

The Ohio University Marching Band

for their stirring rendition of LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem!!! On your feet, everybody, and let's ROCK along with them as they perform on the stage here for us at the Saenger Theater...


The contributor formerly known as HansDat absolutely fell in love with this infectious groove in both MTV video (which can be found in the James Varney story linked to below) and especially marching band format as soon as he read about Lance Moore getting caught on tape jamming to this song on the field during the win over the Jaguars on October 2nd, so it's no wonder it was the unanimous choice by this year's panel of voters.

With that anthem thumping in our brains and setting our toes to tapping, we move on to the Song of the Year category, which was won by...

a couple of obscure children

who dropped this version of Dear Santa/The Jimmy Graham Song into our laps as an unexpected treat during this holiday season...


Since the Chronic broadcast started after their bedtime on a school night, the trophy is being accepted by the girls' parents, who assure us they will get it into the hands of these talented girls, once they finish their homework and clear the table after supper on Monday.

* * *

Before we close tonight's broadcast, I'd like to recognize those winners of the more technical Chronics, which were handed out at a separate ceremony held at the Morrison's Cafeteria on the West Bank yesterday...

Best Performance by Soft Tissue in an Injury That Really Didn't Really End Up Hurting the Saints Very Much - Garrett Hartley's Hip Flexor

The Archie Manning Lifetime Achievement Award in the Forward Pass Division - Drew Brees, whose prize is also soon to include the richest contract in New Orleans Saints history.

The Hap Glaudi Lifetime Achievement Award in the Golden Throat Division - Jim Henderson, who retired as WWL-TV's Sports Director/Anchor after more than 30 years at the network, but will continue as the play-by-play announcer in the radio game broadcasts.

Most Talked About Player's Non-Football Background Aspect - (tie) Jimmy Graham's basketball history and foster care upbringing.

Best Clown Costumes - the throwback uniforms worn by the Saints in 2011

Most Inspirational Moment - Steve Gleason's honorary captain appearance at the coin toss prior to the game at home against the Houston Texans on September 25th, just after the public announcement of his ALS diagnosis and pledge to fight the disease and help others with ALS through his Team Gleason Foundation.

* * *

Now it's your turn. Sound off on my selections, and nominate your own candidates and categories that were left out of the festivities.

Where y'at, Whodats?

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