DALLAS TX - FEBRUARY 04: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell shows how he likes to milk...er...cows. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)
Okay, everybody! I know I'm kinda new here but we have got to come to a concrete decision about something very important. This crucial decision should matter to anyone who has ever considered themselves a Saints fan.
Not really, but it may be a way to have fun with this whole Bountygate fiasco. It's time to choose an official nickname for Roger Goodell. That is, if you're not afraid that he'll suspend you're citizenship and have you deported.
I don't think the usual derogatory nicknames that any middle school student could come up with would do this justice. I've seen "Satch" Kelly refer to him as Herr Goodell which is a good start since RG is acting like a power hungry dictator. I kind of like the reference to Hitler, but since I thought this whole appeals process was a joke I actually see him more like Colonol Klink, a foolish Nazi guard trying to keep the lid on a three ring circus he calls a POW camp (or league).
Maybe he's more like the "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld to some of you. Maybe we call him "Rule Nazi" but it doesn't roll off the tongue very smoothly. Plus, I'd hate to copycat a nickname like that.
On the other hand, maybe he's more like a crime boss? You ever seen Goodfellas or almost any movie involving the mafia? The Don, or head of the family, is always making an example out of his enemies and underlings alike. According to the media, Goodell had to make an example out of the Saints to show his seriousness which is ridiculous. If he wanted to show his seriousness he could have done this the first time they busted the Saints. If they had enough evidence to feel the need to tell us to stop...why not just stop it? Why let it fester for three seasons if you're serious?
Either way I think Mr. Goodell is deserving of a new nefarious title because Commissioner does not properly describe his job as judge, jury, and executioner. I personally refer to him as Captain Gonad since his man-junk grows to unbelievable size when distributing his crippling kind of justice. These suspensions are the equivalent of being sentenced to a year in prison with John Holmes as your cellmate because you know somebody's getting screwed. So please help me with some good ideas for a universally acceptable nickname for this man!