Each week this season, the Angry Who Dat will answer some e-mail questions from fans of the Saints' opposition. Read on for the first installment, featuring some questions from fans of the Washington Redskins.
Robert Pachran, Bethesda, MD:
“Redskins receiver Josh Morgan says Robert Griffin III is as fast as Michael Vick, makes reads like Tom Brady, and throws as well as Peyton Manning. How will Steve Spagnuolo’s defense stop two Hall of Famers at once?”
The last time Mike Vick played against the Saints, his speed earned him a home performance so terrible that his head coach quit the entire NFL. The time before that, he was privileged enough to play the part of the Washington Football Generals in the greatest home opener in the history of football. Then he went to jail.
The last time Tom Brady ventured into the Superdome, his brain ended the game under a ball cap while his face stared at the scoreboard like it kicked his puppy in front of millions of primetime viewers.
And if RGIII throws like a 36-year-old with a broken neck, I think we’ll be okay even if we have to roll with Scott Shanle.
Desiree Nabor, Washington, DC:
“Have any fantasy tips for us from a Saints fan’s perspective?”
Yeah. Don’t join an IDP league. That level of detail is stupid. This is supposed to be fun. How many people can name more than five defensive linemen who aren’t on their favorite team? And how do you reward a team defense for tackles? Every non-scoring play ends in a tackle. You’re rewarding a defense for staying on the field longer. I’m talking to you, Daniel.
“My name’s Desiree.”
No, I wasn’t – never mind. Anyway, if you do join a league with IDPs, draft Junior Galette. Not because I think he’ll win you many games, just because saying “with my pick in the 28th round, I’ll take Junior Galette” sounds hilarious.
Finally, if you’re a commissioner, it’s not too late to reward team defenses with two points for each cart-off. That might be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen in fantasy football.
Mark Burnett, Camp Springs, MD:
“You know, if you have a two-way conversation with readers in your mailbag, people are going to know the letters are fake.”
You’re fake. Get out of my mailbag.
Jack McGregor, Alexandria, VA:
“Kyle Shanahan –“
Jim Thompson, Little Rock, AR:
"I’m a displaced Redskins fan, and I’ll be going to my first game in the Superdome Sunday. How should I act?”
Great question. Not that many fans actually care about etiquette. During the first quarter, be sure to stand up and clap and yell every time your team gains two yards, like an entire douchebag. That way we won’t feel too bad about the berating you’ll receive while the Saints are running up the score. Don’t eat the nachos. Unless you sit in the Loge. Those nachos are amazing. But don’t sit in the Loge. Get your ass up to the terrace with the real fans.
Make lots of bounty jokes. We’re not going to get tired of that at all. They’re not played out, and anything you come up with will be hilariously original and creative. Throw in some Katrina stuff while you’re at it. We LOVE that.
Bring a big flag or something so you can block the view of the poor kid behind you, and then get upset when too many people stand up when the Saints’ defense is on the field. Everyone around you should acknowledge your right to enjoy a nice sporting event from your seat.
All hot women in New Orleans love to show their boobs. It’s tradition. Go ahead, ask them. It’s okay if their boyfriend/husband/brother is present. Act like he’s not there. Everyone’s single here, and they all think you’re awesome and exotic because you’re from so far away.
Finally, when you’re on the way out halfway through the fourth quarter, and the crowd is booing and chanting and singing at you, yell something ridiculous like “See you in the playoffs!” That makes everyone think twice, just in case we have to deal with you again during your team’s triumphant revenge during the postseason.
Mike Pitts, Ashburn, VA:
“Remember when Ditka traded the whole team for one of our draft picks? That was hilarious.”
You little – well, yeah, it was kind of funny. Know what else is funny? The Saints have won 19 more regular season games than the Redskins since that day. Your team got an extra draft and thirteen years later you’re hoping the new rookie might be the next Mark Rypien.
Hyatt Barkeley, Coral Hills, MD:
"Your interim interim head coach is who? What happens if he goes down? Gets run over by a tight end or something? Who coaches then?"
Drew Brees, dude. Pete Carmichael. Steve Spagnuolo. I could head coach this team to 10-6. All Kromer has to do is throw a challenge flag here and there and scream at the clueless scab refs. The interim coach issue is the most worthless talking point in pro football right now. Well, second worst. Because Tim Tebow. But you get the point. It's a breathtakingly stupid non-issue.
Shaw Patton, Dallas, TX:
"I've been looking at preseason film, and I really think that if the Redskins come out in soft coverage on the first drive, and it seems that the safety might bite on play action, Brees should immediately audible to Trips Right X 35 Slant Left Action Y Fly Z Pattern Swoosh Shift Right 2 Gap on Three."
Sounds like a plan.
Michael Salem, Frederick, MD:
“Want to give us a prediction for Sunday? We want detail.”
Why, I’m so glad you asked! Saints win, of course. Something like 31-13. RGIII has a tough day. The defensive line hasn’t put anything on film yet, and the Dome will be rocking. Three sacks. The lone touchdown is a pass, but it’s a Matt Ryan-esque dumpoff. Tarvaris Cadet will not play, and three or four people will wonder if they wasted 80 bucks on that cool new jersey. Junior Galette will have one of those sacks, and he’ll do something really bizarre at some point. Lance Moore will do a touchdown dance that’s very lame and the ladies on twitter will swoon. Drew Brees will throw for 371 yards, and the forums will explode with redundant posts on how he’s on pace to break his own record by 400 yards with only 15 games to play.
At some point, someone will get hurt, and the fans will sarcastically cheer because bountygate. Jeff Duncan will write a column Monday criticizing us for our utter lack of class.
The replacement refs will do something terrible. Not their already-expected bad, but something above and beyond. The atmosphere in the Dome in the moments to follow will be fantastic.
Section 641, 642, and the aisle between will be the best seats in the Dome, as they have been for the last 6 years.