2013 NFL Playoff Picks: Divisional Saturday Is Here!

I hope she makes the trip to Denver with the Ravens. - USA TODAY Sports

Along with HansDat's Divisional Saturday picks comes some ridiculously unwarranted gloating over my 4-0 Wild Card Weekend record. You have been warned.

Good morning CSCers! The first day of the second weekend of the 2013 NFL playoffs (aka Divisional Saturday) is here.

Today's slate features the Baltimore Ravens soaring ever higher up into the Rocky Mountains to take on the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning's bionically reconstituted T2000 neck at 4:30 pm Eastern, followed by the 8:00 pm nightcap by the bay in which the San Francisco 49ers will entertain the Packers of Green Bay with wine spritzers and cheese and crackers on Alcatraz Island (sadly, we all remember how this one turned out last year).

CSC's ongoing coverage today includes this post, followed by an 11:00 am Fleur-de-Links, and then individual threads for each game that will open up a bit prior to the kickoffs of each one. So keep it here all day long (rip off the knob, even) for your NFL playoffs fix.

But before we take a look at who I'm picking in today's games, let's review how last week's picks worked out, first in chart format:

Game

HansDat's Pick

Actual Winner

Right or Wrong?

Texans/Bengals

Texans

Texans

Correctamundo!!

Packers/Vikings

Packers

Packers

Right as rain!!

Ravens/Colts

Ravens

Ravens

I must be one of the Right Brothers!!

Redskins/Seahawks

Seahawks

Seahawks

PERFECTO!!

And now, let's try this 4-0 record on in a conversation...heard recently by a lucky few on WWL Radio:

Deke Bellavia: OK, Bobby, now's de time of de show when we gon call some fans now and see how dey did in dere foosball picks from Wildcard Weekend. Who's first?

Bobby Hebert: I'm glad you axed me, Deke. We got us a 'Where y'at whodat' from Louie-ville Kentucky. Man, dat's waaay up dere in de nort, even furter up den Shreveport, you know? He's Hans "HansDat" Petersen, and I heer dat he writes for some blogsite.com, um, Canal Street Chronicles. You ever ben to dat website befo'?

Deke: Yeah, Bobby, it gots dem hoochiemamas on it. I can only go dere after my kids and wife goes to bed.

Bobby: No, Deke, not Carnal Street Chronicles, CANAL Street Chronicles. Um, just dial de number, ok?

(PHONE DIALING)

HansDat: Yellow! Joe's Pool Hall, you rack 'em, we stack 'em!

Deke: Where y'at Who Dat?

Hans: Deke!! Is Bobby there, too?

Bobby: I sure am, Hans. Where y'at? How's your momennem?

Hans: I'm doing well, Bobby. And the family's great, too. Thanks for asking.

Deke: So, Hans. We're calling Saints fans to see how dere wild card picks worked out. Did you make picks last weekend, and if so, how'd you do?

Hans: I'm glad you asked! I did make picks, and guess what? I got them all right, a perfect 4-0!!

Bobby: (SHAKES COW BELL) Well, dat makes you our perfect wild card ding dong winner of de week, Hans!!! You gotchoo a free luxury box for you and your family and friends in de Dome for de Saints 2013 season, including free airfare, hotel accommodations, and meal vouchers for two for each Saints home game, even de playoffs. How yooo like dem apples?

Hans: I like dem apples quite a lot, Bobby. And will you come up for drinks with us before the games next year?

Bobby: Damn straight I will, Hans. I can't go up in dem real pressboxes no mo', so I'm ax-ually gon need a seat. You can help a brother out?

Hans: Damn straight I will, Bobby. See you next season!! Text me, ok? Thanks fellas, I gotta go. Smell you later!

Deke: Bye, Hans. And congratulations. Don't forget WWL radio is your news, sports and talk source on de airwaves and on de dotcom.

Bobby: Bye bye, Hans! And tanks!!

-

OK, enough juvenile foolishness. Time for some real serious adult foolishness, aka my picks for the Saturday games.

First up is the AFC, with Baltimore at Denver in the early game. This is a rematch of an earlier season ass-whupping in which the Broncos went up in Edgar Allen Poe's house and just laid the wood to the Ravens, taking a 31-3 lead before eventually winning, 34-17.

That game was less than a month ago, and now the game is in the Broncos' barn. The Ravens come in carrying some Ray Lewis swagger and some bionics of their own (albeit interception-preventing bionics, but hey, what are you gonna do?) after stumbling past the bumbling Colts, but that won't be nearly enough to help them do much more than go through the motions. Peyton goes off on the Ravens secondary, and after the first quarter, it's not even close - Broncos 27, Ravens 6.

Broncos-Ravens Preview

Mile High Report

Baltimore Beatdown

The second part of today's doubleheader showcases teams (Packers and 49ers) that played each other in Green Bay waaaaay back in Week One. The 49ers won that one, 30-22.

This time around, the one-dimensional 49er offense is led by Colin Kaepernick (u mad, Alex bro?) and will try to keep up with a one-dimensional Aaron Rodgers-led offense. Whoever finds a second dimension first will win, but neither will, so it's going to come down to a failing of the third dimension, special teams.

Jim Harbaugh will kick himself for keeping David Akers on the roster this week and inwardly blow his stack repeatedly on the sidelines as Akers misses 3 of 5 kicks, and the Packers win, 20-13.

49ers-Packers Preview

Niners Nation

Acme Packing Company

* * *

So that's what I've got for my Divisional Saturday outlook. Whatchoo got? Who do you think will win? Who do you want to win? Talk it up folks, it's four hours until the Fleur-de-Links, and then at least nine hours until the first thread opens up. What else are you going to do?

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