As you all know, here at Canal Street Chronicles, we are always striving to give you the best and most current news and information on the New Orleans Saints. We are arguably the best Saints blog around the web and if you need more proof for that, we recently interviewed New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees himself. You can find the transcript here.
Although Drew is one of the most candid quarterbacks in the NFL, the old football codes still apply to him when it comes to giving interviews prior to a big game the likes of the one that is going to take place in Seattle on Monday night.
As the New Orleans Saints (9-2) are getting ready to tangle with the Seattle Seahawks (10-1) for the number one seed in the NFC next Monday, the rules for players of both teams are: do not provide your opponent with any type of bulletin board material. If anything, praise them in the most exaggerated manner, maybe with the slim hope that it will inflate their egos so much that they'll show up cocky, overconfident and ill-prepared.
This is where our relentlessness, undivided devotion to the truth and our revulsion for coach-speak come into play. Under the direction of Doctor Boudin, a team of researchers in our CSC laboratories accomplished the rare exploit of cloning Drew Brees. The successful clone was dubbed "Subject 9."
How did we achieve that feat you wonder? Simple: after recovering a football in the stands from an incomplete pass that Brees threw in the half-empty Georgia Dome last Thursday, we were able to collect copious amounts of Brees' saliva. With that DNA in hand, Boudin et al. were successful in performing the first ever reported quarterback-cloning experiment.
The team of scientists then conducted an interview on the Brees clone regarding the upcoming monster game between the Saints and the Seahawks in Seattle. Afterwards, the researchers injected "Subject 9" with a beer-laced truth-serum concocted by CSC member Hans "The Danish" Petersen and proceeded to conduct the same exact interview.
As you can imagine, the difference in the answers from non-injected Subject 9 and from him under truth serum was quite striking. Here are the transcripts.
Canal Street Chronicles: Drew, thank you so much for the time, we really appreciate it.
Subject 9-Clear: No problem, thanks for having me.
Subject 9-Serum: No problem, thanks for having me.
CSC: Drew how does the team feel about having to play on the road, outdoors in Seattle and the reputation that you can't win on the road in cold weather?
S9C: We don't really worry about it, we're just going to go there and execute the game plan.
S9S: We're really sick and tired of hearing about it and we really hope we win to shut y'all up. I'm not going to lie though: I'm going to have to wear some thick underwear and a beanie under my helmet. Why do we have to play American football games in Canada anyway?
CSC: Did you hear about the Seahawks missing cornerbacks Brandon Browner for the year and Walter Thurmond for 4 games due to NFL substance abuse violations and what is your opinion on that?
S9C: Oh, it's the first time I'm hearing about it. I'm sure they have great players waiting in the wings that will do a great job filling in.
S9S: Yeah of course I heard about it. You think? This is like the seventh Seahawks player suspended for PEDs in the past three years. At least with the Saints we keep it at the coaching/front office level. These guys do it on the field. Oh, and they're going to go with some guys called Jeremy Lane and Byron Maxwell against Jimmy, Marques, Kenny and Lance? I'm going to throw for 400 yards on these clowns.
CSC: You've played in Seattle in 2007 and in 2010. What do you remember about those games and the city itself?
S9C: We won in 2007, when we were having a rough season and in 2010, they had a great game to beat us in the playoffs. The fans were loud. The city itself has character, great people there in the Pacific Northwest.
S9S: It rained the whole time, couldn't wait to get out of there both times.
CSC: Do you care to give a prediction for the game?
S9C: Well, all I can say is that we're going against a great team, well-coached and they won't beat themselves. We're going to have to play the best game of our season so far if we're going to have a chance.
S9S: Oh yeah, you know we haven't forgotten that Marshawn Lynch run in 2010 when they were 7-9 and still hosted a playoff game. I'm still not over that. What the heck is Goodell doing not changing that dumb rule? We're going to bottle Lynch up and see if that little short quarterback who thinks he is me can win it for them. We're going to win this game 23-17 and we'll be waiting for those Canadians in the Superdome for the NFC Championship.