Dee Milliner, CB, Alabama
#28 / Defensive Back / Alabama Crimson Tide
Al Davis may no longer roam the earth but if you think he can't control what the Oakland Raiders do in the NFL Draft you are incredibly naïve. Don't you people watch Ghost Hunters? If there is a reality show about ghosts then you know it be real.
I did a séance wearing a $3 JaMarcus Russell jersey I found at Marshalls, played NFL Films' ‘The Autumn Wind is Raider,' and lit a Mike Shanahan picture on fire to contact Al Davis.
Right on cue Al Davis appeared in all his track suit glory to explain what the Raiders will do with the third pick of the 2013 NFL Draft. The following is a transcript of the conversation I had with Al Davis' ghost. The Greatest of the Raiders is now on the clock.
"I only have 15 minutes. I have to be back in court. I'm suing St. Peter to move Heaven to Chile. So you want to know what the Raiders will do in the NFL Draft?
"First of all let me just say I hope Hue Jackson falls down a well. St. Paul owes me a favor so if you see breaking news on CNN about a former NFL coach playing the role of baby Jessica you will know Al made that happen.
"I mean Jackson gave up, like, 32 picks for Carson Palmer? To be swindled by Mike Brown, who makes Forrest Gump look like a football Einstein, in a trade is a crime against humanity. And I'm saying this as a guy who picked JaMarcus Russell with the first overall pick.
"The problem with the Raiders is that they have forgotten the key to football success: you draft the fastest guy you can find and hope he has a criminal record.
"Why are they trying to trade Rolando McClain? Getting arrested for writing profanity on a traffic ticket is the most Raider thing you can do. In 1975 John Madden and Kenny Stabler got pulled over doing 120mph on the way to Las Vegas and Madden dipped the speeding ticket in cheese sauce, ate it, and screamed, 'Hey fascist police pig, I just turned your ticket into fon-f***ing-due.'
"Disrespecting authority is the Raider way. McClain deserves an extension.
"Before I tell you who we will pick let me just say Tom Benson has no guts. If Roger Goodell had suspended my coach for a year, I'd have sued his ass just like I did Pete Rozelle. The only thing I loved more than Super Bowls and tracksuits was pissing off the league office.
"Okay, I've got to get back to the Pearly Gates. The Raiders will take Dee Milliner out of Alabama because the only really great picks I can remember making right this second are Charles Woodson and Nnamdi Asomugha.
"By the way, Rob Ryan will do great as the Saints defensive coordinator. Just keep him away from Bourbon Street and Jell-O pudding. He eats it by the gallon and bathes in it because he says it keeps his flowing locks silky smooth. Crazy Ryan billed $15,000 in pudding to me. Funny guy.
"So long. I've got to give Rozelle a wet willie."
Thanks to all the CSC members who participated in this year's community mock draft. Without your help, none of this would be possible.
Below are the complete results from our community mock draft.
Catch up with all of the mock draft selections in our 2013 CSC Community Draft Section.
|Pick||Team||Selection||Team Representative||Approval Rating|
|1||Kansas City Chiefs||
OT Luke Joeckel - Texas A&M
QB Geno Smith - West Virginia
||Dragon Ninja Warrior|
CB Dee Milliner - Alabama