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Draftmageddon 2016: The Return of the Drunk Hooker - Part II

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In this second installment of Draftmageddon 2016: The Return of the Drunk Hooker, we'll see the NFL calendar for important player acquisition dates between now and the 2016 draft, and take a look at the offseason player acquisitions in the first two years of the Payloo Era.

Jahri's gone.
Jahri's gone.
Ron Schwane-USA TODAY Sports

It's mid-February and the Super Bowl has passed us by, so now we need to turn the attention of Draftmageddon's Drunk Hooker to the dates on the NFL calendar related to the all-important aspect of team building that scouting plays a HUGE part in: player acquisition.

(btw, Dave, I think this series merits a graphic like HansDat's Hot Reads used to have. Can you make that happen? SFW or NSFW, either way, it doesn't matter to me.)

After showing how these dates play out in a chart, I'll review the major non-draft player acquisitions that Payloo made in their first two years along with a Ghostly review of each player, before dropping last week's Saints roster news on you in bullet format.

Buckle up, fellow babies and get ready to add these dates to YOUR calendars...

Date

Event

February 16

First day clubs can designate Franchise/Transition Players

February 23-29

Combine Testing and Timing @ Lucas Oil Stadium

March 1

Deadline for clubs to designate Franchise/Transition Players

March 7

Teams may enter negotiations with agents of upcoming unrestricted free agents. No executed contracts are permitted until March 9, 4:00 pm Eastern Time.

March 8

New League Year's Eve

March 9

Happy New League Year!!

*All teams must be under 2016 salary cap by 4:00 pm Eastern Time using the "top 51" method.

*All teams must submit qualifying offers to restricted free agents to maintain matching rights and potential compensation.

*All teams must extend minimum salary tenders to retain exclusive rights to players with expiring contracts.

April 22

Deadline for restricted free agents to sign offer sheet with other teams.

April 28-30

NFL Draft - Chicago

Calendar info courtesy of nola.com/saints beat.

The 2006 non-draft acquisitions

Date

Player/How Acquired

March 14

Signed FA LB Scott Fujita

March 16

Signed FA QB Drew Breeeeeees!

March 20

Signed FA S Omar Stoutmire

March 23

Signed FA TE Mark Campbell

March 27

Signed FA C/G Jonathan Goodwin

April 6

Traded T Wayne Gandy to Atlanta for S Bryan Scott and a draft pick

April 29

Traded 2006 34th pick to Cleveland for C Jeff Faine and their 2006 43rd pick

April 30

Traded 2006 99th pick to Philadelphia for DT Hollis Thomas and their 108th pick

August 28

Traded undisclosed draft pick to Dallas for LB Scott Shanle

August 29

Traded WR Donte' Stallworth to Philadelphia for LB Mark Simoneau and an undisclosed draft pick

September 5

Signed FA LB Danny Clark

CITATION

...and those from 2007:

Date

Player/How Acquired

March 6

Signed FA LB Brian Simmons

March 7

Signed FA TE Eric Johnson

March 14

Signed FA S Kevin Kaesviharn

April 4

Traded 2007 6th round pick to Miami for K Olindo Mare

April 13

Signed FA LB Troy Evans

April 27

Signed RFA CB Jason David

May 2

Signed UDFA RB Pierre Thomas

June 7

Signed FA DT Kendrick Clancy

CITATION

Now it's time for the player reviews, based on the Ghostly Quotient Rating System. The GQRS is a five-tiered beast of a rating system of my own devising that consists of a mostly objective and somewhat subjective combination of factors used to rate and review the worth of each of the "major" player acquisitions of Payloo. These include but are not limited to: career statistics, longevity with Saints, relative value based on expectations, monetary and/or "player/pick given up" cost, my own personal memories and feelings, clever wordplay opportunities, and stuff I've absorbed from other people either unconsciously or consciously.

In my ratings and descriptions, I've tried to utilize each of these elements early and often and clearly identify when I rig the system to suit a greater purpose of mine, and as such, I reserve the right to revise a player's individual rating whenever I feel like it as I research further into the Payloo years, as well as selectively choose to engage in or avoid debate over any individual player's rating.


Here are your GQRS tiers...

Best of the Best: There's only one man in this category. You know who and you know why.
Good Get: Someone who came in and either was just plain good, outperformed expectations, or was at least a decent or adequate starter over an extended period of time for the Saints.
Meh...He's a JAG: Someone who came in and kind of met relatively low expectations.
Disappointment: Someone who came in and underperformed.
Bad Idea - Who's the Drunk Hooker Who Green-lit This Signing/Trade?: We all know what this means.

...and here are your GQ Reviews and official GQRS tier placements for Payloo's 2006 and 2007 acquisitions:

Best of the Best

QB Drew Brees - we all know what he's done as a Saint. He is by far the best FA signing in team history and is arguably one of the best ones in NFL history, too.

Good Get

RB Pierre Thomas - Appearing in 105 games with 38 starts from 2007-2014, he gained over 6,300 yards from scrimmage with 60 total touchdowns while averaging nearly 11 touches per game (@ a clip of 4.6 yards per carry and 8 yards per catch), and has scratched out some niches for himself in the Saints record book. If you pressed me, I'd admit his actual GQ Rating is a ‘GOOD GET-PLUS'. Signed as a UDFA following the 2007 draft, he beat out the much higher-regarded draft pick Antonio Pittman for a roster spot and despite injuries that kept him from only starting 16 games twice in his eight seasons with the Saints, he had a nice career that featured many great performances, including numerous sweet screen pass and tough yardage rushing gains that earned him the moniker "PT Bruiser" and made him a fan favorite.

LB Scott Shanle - "Lunch Pale" made 94 starts in 97 appearances from 2006-2012, recording 343 tackles, 7.5 sacks, 3 INTs, 18 pass break ups, 6 forced fumbles, 4 fumble recoveries, and had one loyalty syndrome named after him. He qualifies as a GOOD GET because he was ok at DOING HIS JOB, and managed to stick around and start for seven seasons.

LB Scott Fujita - Played in 56 games from 2006-2009 notching 247 tackles, 4 INTs, 14 pass breakups, 5 forced fumbles, 2 fumble recoveries, and one FPK nickname bestowed. He ranks as a GOOD GET because he was a four-year starter who performed at or above his career averages with Saints and then walked when Cleveland threw ridiculous money at him in 2010. And that FPK bit he came up with is pure gold.

S Omar Stoutmire - Made nine starts in 13 games played in 2006 as a 32-year old with 44 tackles, 2 INTs, 7 pass breakups, and one Jairus Byrd eventually made EXTREMELY JEALOUS by his first year FA performance at safety. Relative to the league as a whole, I'd say, "MEH, this gassed JAG at least DID HIS JOB for a season," but grading on the curve that is the sorry state of Saints defensive back acquisitions, he rates as a GOOD GET even though he only played for one season.

C/G Jonathan Goodwin - Made 61 starts in 88 games from 2006-2010 and 2014, serving as starting center for 4 of 6 seasons with team, one Pro Bowl appearance in 2009, but admittedly he was gassed in 2014. Earned his GOOD GET status since he moved from backup/special teamer to full-time starter and Pro Bowler in four seasons. Saints lose points later, though, because in 2011 they let him walk and replaced him with Olin Kreutz, which turned out to be a BAD IDEA (more on that in later installments).

C Jeff Faine - Was team's starting center for 30 games from 2006-2007, then went to Tampa as FA in 2008. GOOD GET because it cost almost nothing to get him and they replaced him decently with Goodwin in 2008 when Faine signed that big FA contract with Tampa Bay, although it is too bad he didn't stick around for more than two seasons.

DT Hollis Thomas - Made 28 starts in 36 games played as 32+ year-old from 2006-2008 recording 79 tackles, 6.5 sacks, 3 pass break ups, 1 forced fumble, 4 game "accidental" steroid ("It was my asthma meds, I swear!") suspension served in late 2006. GOOD GET since it didn't cost much to get him and it seemed to me that this declining and aging FF DL DID HIS JOB by performing close to his peak year stats for a couple of years until the team tried to draft his @STUD REPLACEMENT WHO WOULD ANCHOR THE DL FOR YEARS AND EARN MULTIPLE PRO BOWL BIDS@.

Meh...He's a JAG

DT Kendrick Clancy - This 29-year old (in 2007) appeared in 30 games with 16 starts over three seasons before hurting his knee early in 2009 and ending up on the IR after two games, which would be the last games of his career. As a Saint, he recorded 37 tackles with 2.5 sacks, 3 pass break ups and a fumble recovery. This JAG is no Hollis Thomas.

LB Mark Simoneau - Made 29 MLB starts in 32 games from 2006-2007 with 83 tackles, 3 sacks, 1 INT, and 2 forced fumbles. MEH - Saints got about what they expected from this JAG, who was acquired in a deal more focused on getting Stallworth off the roster quickly in 2006.

TE Mark Campbell - 14 starts in 25 games played in 2006 and 2008 with 30 rec for 285 yards and 2 TDs) This guy is the definition of MEH, HE'S A JAG.

S Bryan Scott - Played in 9 games with 0 starts in 2006, recording 12 tackles and 1 forced fumble. MEH, this JAG couldn't even really DO HIS JOB very well, but Payloo were mostly interested in moving the aging FF Gandy off the roster and just getting at least something in return.

LB Troy Evans - Appeared in 47 games (with 2 starts) from 2007-2009 while playing mostly backup LB and special teams, recording 52 tackles, 1 pass break up and 1 fumble recovery). MEH, at least this JAG DID HIS JOB for 3 years, as small as it was.

LB Danny Clark - Played in 16 games with 0 starts and 23 tackles in 2006, then in 2010 made 10 starts in 14 appearances with 47 tackles, 1 pass break up and a forced fumble. MEH, this JAG was a backup and special teamer in 2006 but did come back to give them some serviceable starts when he re-signed with Saints in 2010, but does not quite merit GOOD GET status.

Disappointment

TE Eric Johnson - This 28-year old performed at about his career averages for a season, then disappeared from the league while making 12 starts in 14 appearances in 2007, recording 48 catches for 378 and 2 TDs. Since he was pretty young and a rather early signing in 2007, I feel certain they expected more than one season from him, but I don't know how much money they gave him, so I'll just call him a DISAPPOINTMENT.

LB Brian Simmons - This 10-year vet gave the team 3 starts in 16 appearances in 2007, notching 17 tackles and a sack. With him being signed so early in the 2007 FA season, it seemed to me at the time that he was brought in to at least be a quality starter for a few seasons and he failed miserably at it, so I wanted to put him in the BAD IDEA - WHO'S THE DRUNK HOOKER WHO GREEN-LIT THIS SIGNING? section, but maybe he was actually a declining, aging, gassed, dinged up JAG from the Bengals and they knew exactly what they were getting, but just overpaid for him. So he was just a DISAPPOINTMENT.

S Kevin Kaesviharn - 31-year-old put in 14 starts in 27 appearances from 2007-08 with 82 tackles, 2 INTs, 12 pass break ups, and 1 fumble recovery. He's the other DISAPPOINTMENT defensive signing from the Bengals in 2007 because I feel like he was a bust for the Saints, playing pretty blatantly badly when they signed him to decent starter money, but maybe he was just gassed and on a pair of terrible Saints' defenses.

CB Jason David - Made 27 appearances with 16 starts from 2007-08 (really??? only 16 starts??? Sure felt like a lot more bad football than that), and he was run out of town on a rail two seasons into the four-year contract he signed as a rising star brought in to improve the secondary. Recorded 68 tackles, 8 INTs, 1 forced fumble, and 2 fumble recoveries with one returned for a score. Seems like he got beat for long TDs and big gains all the time, although in retrospect, I don't think he was actually as bad as many (myself included) thought at the time. This may be the first instance of a recurring theme for Payloo defensive player acquisitions - bringing in a player good in another system and then not making good use of him within the confines of the Saints' defense. For me, he straddles the Disappointment/Bad Idea sections, so I'll give him a DISAPPOINTMENT-MINUS.

Bad Idea - Who's the Drunk Hooker Who Green-Lit This Signing?

K Olindo Mare - Appeared in 13 games in 2007, recording his worst season as a pro: 10-17 FGs with a long of 52 (this 58.8% success rate is more than 22 points below his career average of 81.1%). Who gave the Drunk Hooker all those shots on an empty stomach before letting her make this signing? He was brought in to replace John Carney with a younger leg that would be more reliable from long distance and proceeded to hit only 3 of 8 from 40+ yards before getting placed on IR in December of that year and then was embarrassingly replaced by an effing GRAMATICA brother. To his credit, Mare didn't miss a single extra point in 34 attempts! After healing up, he went on to have 5 more decent years of place kicking in the NFL, so we know he wasn't gassed. This was just the beginning of the over-managed, effed-up, self-inflicted cursed place-kicking position. GAAAAA!!!!

Roster Round-Up (February 8-15)

Had contracts terminated: LBs David Hawthorne, Ramon Humber
Refused pay cut, then had his contract terminated: G Jahri Evans
Waived: WR Seantavius Jones
Signed: CB Tony Carter, FB Austin Johnson

CITATION

Agreed to a restructuring: Dannell "DNP-injured" Ellerbe

CITATION

Still technically on the roster even though he Tweeted out a "Love you. See ya. Bye!" message to New Orleans: Brandon Browner

So that's it for Vol. II of your Draftmageddon 2016 series. Let me know what you liked and didn't like and would like to see more of in future installments.

Next week, I plan to cover more Payloo non-draft acquisition "classes" with GQRS reviews and tiering.

Thanks for reading...