SPOILER ALERT: The Saints are going 19-0.
Sorry to ruin the season for those of you who aren't #woke, but that's what's happening. How do I know this, you might ask? Didn't Miss Cleo die? Surely you can't predict the future.
You're right (RIP Miss Cleo). I'm just connecting the dots between what has happened in training camp at The Greenbrier this year as New Orleans prepares to begin the 2016 season and what is yet to come.
Just look at how things started. The Saints chose to forgo the usual conditioning day at the beginning of camp to help volunteers clean up a park that was wrecked by flooding in the area.
Running sprints? How about sprinting to pick up a piece of potentially harmful debris from a children's park. Lifting weights? More like lifting a log out of harm's way. For the kids.
What happened after that just solidified the Saints' Super Bowl chances even more.
While Matt Ryan is busy getting picked off by his offensive coordinator, Drew Brees is literally throwing a football over a mountain like Uncle Rico. Young players like Tyeler Davison (he earned the extra E as a boy shoveling coal with his dad, probably), P.J. Williams and De'Vante Harris are making monumental strides and could see their names called and play increased due to impressive camp showings.
Sheldon Rankins picked off Tom Brady on his second snap of joint team sessions on Tuesday. Did your first round defensive lineman do that?
Drew Brees made Brady look like Jimmy Garoppolo when the two faced off just two days after the Saints rag-tag second team secondary made Brees look like Zach Strief under center.
Did somebody say Zach Strief?
The Saints' 79-year-old right tackle morphed into Deion Sanders when he caught a touchdown pass on a fake field goal in that same scrmmage. How scary is it that the best offense in football, one in which C.J. Spiller basically doesn't even have to do anything, can use an offensive lineman to score? We won't even mention Mike Thomas, who is preparing to be inducted into the Hall of Fame as you read this.
Both Strief and Luke McCown told Nola.com's Jeff Duncan that this was Brees' best camp as a Saint. He's 37 years old. How's that even fair?
Oh, and Jairus Byrd hasn't died yet!
The secondary, even minus starter Keenan Lewis, looks worlds better than last season, which — in all honesty — is the easiest benchmark in sports history.
Sure, there are some question marks. Will Lewis be able to play at a starter's level after getting hurt in camp? Will the Saints have guards that can hold up to a decent defensive line? Can Jairus Byrd not die again?
I can answer these questions: yes. The Saints will go 19-0 and win the Super Bowl in convincing fashion over the Pittsburgh Steelers, 34-28.
How do I know this?
Because I read three training camp articles.