And •••• the lot of you for waiting till I rose again from the dead to remind you children that this is a historic occasion. Now get gloriously wasted and celebrate something a long time in coming. This broom from Atlanta is one we keep next to Cam Newton’s crying towel. Don’t worry, Cam Jordan knows where we keep that.

Cheers, you twat-waffles. Happy Jewish winter holiday tomorrow…and Merry Christmas. Santa’s sack is bigger than than cool candle holder. Respect the sack.