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Breaking News: Saints hire Shawn Peyton as Senior Assistant to the Head Coach

Saints bring in obscure former CFL quarterback to be second in command on the sideline

In a shocking move, the New Orleans Saints have hired a new Senior Assistant to the Head Coach, a man named Shawn Peyton who many in the NFL media had not heard of until today. According to Peyton, he spent the last few years coaching in the XFL and the Fan Controlled Football League, and is eager to get his shot in the NFL. Peyton is adamant that Taysom Hill will move back to quarterback after a three day stint at tight end. “Taysom is the best QB in football right now, just look at how well he can run” said Peyton.

Why the Saints would give someone who was recently coaching Johnny Manziel total control of the offense is raising many questions across the NFL, but those who know the game well are seemingly very high on the Saints hire. “It was fun while it lasted, but that record is not going to be mine in January” said Hall of Fame quarterback Peyton Manning when asked about potentially losing his single season touchdown record to Taysom Hill. “Now you know why I moved to the front office, good luck Todd” said former Buccaneers head coach Bruce Arians. “That guy looks nothing like me but I can tell he’s going to be one of the top coaches in the NFL” said former Saints head coach Sean Payton, who strangely could only be reached after the press conference.

Those inside the Saints organization seem like they have known Shawn Peyton for years, despite the new coaches claim he thought Louisiana was a region in eastern Europe before being given his plane ticket to New Orleans. “I feel like I’ve known him for 16 years” said owner Gayle Benson. “I’m rich” said new starting QB Taysom Hill. “I can’t believe no one has figured out that’s Sean Payton in a fake beard” said backup QB Blake Bortles before being escorted out of the room.

In light of this news, Tom Brady has announced his retirement again just 19 days after announcing his return 40 days after announcing his retirement.

According to team sources, Dennis Allen will remain the Head Coach for the 2022 season, but his reserved parking spot was reportedly given to Peyton this morning so there is no telling who has control over the team. Based on the new hiring, Vegas has placed the odds of the Saints drafting Kenny Pickett at +3000 and the odds of the Saints drafting a receiver at +5000. Iowa center Tyler Linderbaum is now the odds on favorite to be the Saints top pick at -900. “I think we might need some playmakers coach” said offensive coordinator Pete Carmichael before he too was escorted out of the room at the behest of Peyton. Offensive line coach Doug Marrone was seen visibly happy for the first time in his life after Peyton announced they are targeting a center in the first round.

This has already been a strange offseason for the Saints, but this new hiring is an odd move even for a team that once gave Mike Ditka control of the roster. Regardless, only time will tell if this hiring of Shawn Peyton will prove as successful as when the Saints hired Sean Payton.


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