clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Meet the Saints OTHER New CB!

The Saints new shutdown corner is a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube-man.

Siskel (#00) defending a PAT with a glorious smirk on his face.
Siskel (#00) defending a PAT with a glorious smirk on his face.

By now most New Orleans Saints fans have heard the news that our best CB, Delvin Breaux, has sustained an unfortunate fibula break and will therefore miss at least 6 games. In response, Payton and co. dug into the free agent bargain bin and came up with a guy whose name sounds more like that of an acclaimed author than a football player - B.W. Webb.

What most Saints fans at this point don't know is that Coach Payton has a ringer who's (that's?) waving for attention.

Tricky Siskel (#00), a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube-man, could be just the player we've been looking for. At 13'8, the tube-man has a humbling story, much like the CB for whom he'll be standing- (and waving) in.

Siskel, age 6, was raised at a used Hyundai dealership in Omaha, Nebraska by manager (and salesman of the year for fiscal 2010-2011!)  Biff Schlitz. The very jovial Siskel would stand outside for hours on end waving and greeting passersby and patrons of the dealership. Loving this perpetual enthusiasm, Biff would take Siskel to lead crowds at the local high school football games, for which Biff was a coach.

Well, during one big Friday night cross-town rivalry battle with numerous collegiate scouts in attendance, Biff's leading corner, Balls Olmec, went down with a sprained ankle and Siskel was called upon.

Twisting and turning and waving and flailing, violently unpredictably, but with that same zeal for life that he'd always shown, Siskel deflected 17 passes, blocked 3 PATs and a punt, and even had an interception (if you count the ball being lodged into his nylon frame an interception). Scouts were enamored.

Within a week, Biff was getting scholarship offers for the young, dynamic tube-man left right and center. All the major programs, too. Alabama, Michigan, Ohio State, LSU, USC, Florida State. He even got an offer from U.C. Santa Cruz. Easy enough decision for such an enigmatic figure.

Siskel signed on with the UCSC Banana Slugs. When asked why he'd turn down such lucrative offers at FCS schools, Siskel simply waved erratically and without regard for bystanders.

He's just your standard wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube-man. Got 'em at a yard sale in Toledo for like $13.50 I think. Somethin' like that. - Biff Schlitz on his personal history with Siskel.

In two seasons as a Banana Slug, Siskel tore his nylon exterior during a midseason game against the Mount Union Purple Raiders. Suffice to say, this hurt his draft stock in 2015 where he tumbled beyond the ranks of UDFA obscurity. Until now. When Sean Payton somehow found him. Oh boy!

Though looming in stature, Siskel weighs a meager 36 pounds and with a somewhat high center of gravity, he's a liability in the run game. He's best (and truly only) suited for zone schemes where he can legit just stand there and wave about his appendages with a frustrating chaos not seen in New Orleans since the days of Corey White. He's also useful over the middle on passing downs, where edge defenders work to corral throws his direction.

With the impending addition of Siskel, the Saints starting CBs look to be P.J. Williams and Siskel, and perhaps De'Vante Harris playing the slot.

Oh, and yeah, he needs a handler to plug him in and turn on his fan and wheel him to and fro. I'm thinking C.J. Spiller may just be the man for the job.

When you get a second, pop over to Twitter and give him a wave @trickysiskel. Let's welcome him to New Orleans!